


In Between The Lines

by ezekielftroses, halesbarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Anxiety, Betrayal, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky calls steve stevie, Bucky kisses Steve in their special place, Bucky loves science, Canonical Character Death, Death, Domestic Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Everyone Needs A Hug, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, I don't know what else to tag, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Major Illness, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Peggy and Carol are minor but there, Peggy and Steve are BFFS, Peggy is a MASSIVE gay, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve and Bucky in high school, Steve is a theatre kid, Stucky - Freeform, Terminal Illnesses, Violence, bucky takes care of a sick steve in modern time AND in the past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-07-06 04:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15878439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezekielftroses/pseuds/ezekielftroses, https://archiveofourown.org/users/halesbarnes/pseuds/halesbarnes
Summary: "I don't care about this stupid fucking job, Steve. I care about you. It's always been about you."-Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes have always loved each other. Even when they've hated each other the most. After almost six years of no contact and the tragic ending of their friendship, they find themselves once again tangled into each other's lives.-Or a story where Steve and Bucky haven't spoken for 6 years but end up working side by side together at a publishing office.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [halesbarnes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/halesbarnes/gifts).



> This was inspired from two photos a friend sent me of Chris and Seb looking like office interns.  
> This is also for Kiera, Jodie and Josie.

 

“Does what I’m wearing scream ‘I’ve never had an office job before?’ Or do I look okay?” 

Peggy looked up at from the newspaper to look at Steve’s outfit. He was wearing a pair of black, straight edge office pants with a white dress shirt tucked in, his sleeves quarter rolled and a thick black belt holding it all together. Nothing was done to his hair except it being blowed out so it rested just above his forehead. She shook her head. Steve rolled his eyes.

“Okay, I don’t know which question you’re answering.” 

“You look fine.” 

“ _Fine_?” 

Peggy scoffed. “Was I speaking another language? I said you looked fine.” 

“Peggy.” 

“You look professional. Happy?”

The blonde smiled, walking into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. To say he was nervous was an understatement. Steve was practically shitting himself thinking about his first day. He recently got a job interning at a publishing office as an editorial assistant. His dream job was to be the head editor of a literature magazine, and as great as it would be to be that now, he had to start somewhere.

Taking a sip of his coffee, Steve went to sit with Peggy at the dining room table. Peggy and Steve have known each other since they were 10 years old. Most people didn’t expect them to stay friends for this long, seeing as they were almost polar opposites, but alas 11 years later, the two are still joint at the hip.

Not adding anything to his coffee, Steve carefully poured himself a bowl of plain cheerios and went to sit down with Peggy. She was still in her pyjamas, hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. She looked relax, being awake as early as she was by choice and not obligation. Steve must’ve been staring for too long because she froze before popping a tangerine slice into her mouth to make eye contact with him. 

“May I help you?”

Face warming, the blonde shook his head. “No. I just — What are you up so early for?”

“Well, Steven,” she answers walking to place her dishes into the sink. “If you must know, I have a job interview today.”

“Really? Where?”

“Please show more surprise, I hardly noticed it.” He turned red again. “I’m getting the opportunity to work with a professor doing research in the zoology department at the university.”

“Pegs that’s amazing!”

She smiled a thank you, going off down the hall to where he assumed she was going to shower. Steve checked his watch to see that if he didn’t leave soon he would be late. Grabbing his backpack, his travel mug and house keys, he rushed out the front door in hopes that he would catch the 8:45 subway train.

He didn’t.

Tapping his foot, he looked around, wondering if he’d see anyone else from work. Until he realized it hasn’t even been his first day so he would have absolutely no idea. _Nice thinking, Rogers._ Nervously drinking his coffee, he began to fidget with the straps of backpack. Soon the next subway car came, and everyone began to board. Just as he was about to take a sip of his coffee again, someone rushing past him knocked his arm, spilling his black coffee all over his front.

Steve grit his teeth at the burning feeling of the hot beverage against his chest, but also because his white shirt was now stained brown. The man stopped in front of him, blue eyes wide with guilt. “Shit! I’m so sorry.”

The two men ended up standing next to one another as the subway doors shut. As people shuffled around them, Steve gave the man annoyed side glances. Blue Eyes had brown hair, blow dried up into a quiff just above his forehead. He was wearing a light blue dress shirt and navy blue bowtie and a pair of matching suspenders clipped to khaki pants, with a black overcoat and a messenger bag strapped to his shoulder. Steve had to admit, he was cute, however he was still mad about his shirt.

“Again, I’m sorry about your shirt.”

Steve just nodded awkwardly, rummaging in his bag for a napkin. There wasn’t much of a point, seeing as the shirt was sticking to his skin, but Steve wanted to do anything he could do to avoid having a conversation with him.

“What? Not gonna talk to me are you?” Silence. The man laughed. “C’mon, what am I gonna have to do? Ask you out for dinner first?”

For some reason, Steve felt his face turn red. It probably had to do with him finding Blue Eyes attractive no less than five seconds ago. Blue Eyes smiled.

“Ahh, there it is. Well, handsome. What’d you say to a dinner with little ol’ me?”

Steve just glared at him, feeling his throat close up with a nervous tightness. Blue Eyes’ smile wasn’t helping. _His teeth are oddly white,_ Steve thought to himself. _And straight._ Which was a weird detail to notice. Steve looked the man up and down discreetly, feeling an odd sense of familiarity in his appearance. _Maybe he just uses the train a lot._

Since he wasn’t holding onto anything, as the subway car went to a sharp holt, the blonde was thrust forward into Blue Eyes, causing both of them to stumble and almost fall over.

Blue Eyes’ arms immediately placed their way around Steve’s torso to stop him from falling. If Steve’s face wasn’t burning a deep red before it definitely was now. When the subway doors opened, he quickly pushed himself off the other man, grabbed his backpack and rushed off, hoping he was getting off at the correct stop. Making sure not to look back and risk further humiliation, Steve made a beeline for the men’s washroom, rummaging in his bag for his _Tide To Go_ stick. He stopped when he saw himself in his reflection.

The coffee stain almost covered the left half of his chest. Steve looked back and forth between the stain and the mini detergent stick in his hand. _Maybe excessively rubbing it in to avoid conversation was a bad idea._ Steve still tried using it nonetheless, practically running out by the time he got the entire stain. Standing shirtless in the bathroom, Steve prayed that no one would walk in on him drying his shirt under the hand drier in a subway bathroom.

Steve checked his watch, groaning when he saw that he was already five minutes late on his first day.

“This will be a great story to tell Peggy when I get home,” he said to himself. He very poorly imitated her British accent. “‘How was your first day, Steve?’ ‘Oh great, Pegs! I missed my train and some hottie spilt his coffee all over me and then I was late because I stood shirtless in the germ infected washrooms trying to dry the stain out’—“

“So, you _do_ think I’m hot.”  

This day couldn’t get any worse.

The short man of the two instantly placed his slightly damp shirt over his bare chest. Blue Eyes smiled with a raised eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. Steve blushed, turning around so he could unbutton his shirt  and put it back on. He heard the door shut and a notch lock. Steve’s shoulders tensed.

“Relax, Princess. I locked it for privacy reasons only. No need to get all tense around me. Well,” Steve could practically hear the cockiness in his voice and smile. “Not yet anyway.”

“Do you need something from me? Or is cornering men you don’t know in public subway washrooms just one of your many hobbies?”

Blue Eyes let out a breathy laugh as he opened his messenger bag. Steve glared, finishing up buttoning his now wrinkled, stained and damp shirt. Blue Eyes held up his hand. “No, don’t wear that. It looks like you just got back from a night of shagging and tequila. You’ll need to wear something like this. Don’t wanna leave your new boss with a bad impression. No need to make that face, I heard you talking to yourself while walking in.”

Steve dropped the confused look on his face, forming his mouth to make a silent “Oh.”

The brunette man pulled a freshly looking white dress shirt out of his bag and handing it to Steve. The blonde blinked, staring between the outstretched hand and his own shirt. _His shirt does look better. And it is my first day. I’ll make a bad impression with a huge stain on my first day._ His hand, thinking and acting faster than his mind, took the shirt in his hands. His mouth curled into a nervous smile, turning around again to put it on. He heard Blue Eyes laugh again.

Once the shirt was nearly tucked into his pants, Steve checked himself out in the mirror. It was a little big, but he’d manage. He turned to Blue Eyes.

“Thank you.” Blue Eyes waved it off.

“No problem, Sweet thing.” Steve rolled his eyes. Blue Eyes started walking out the door before stopping. “James.” 

“What?” Blue Eyes smiled.

“My name. It’s James.”

Steve smiled at the name. He’s always liked it. “Oh. I’m Steve.”

James gave him a small nod before exiting the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, sorry I’m late, man. I got caught up in the subways. You’ll never guess who I saw— Oh. Hey, handsome.”
> 
> Steve’s shoulders tensed. 
> 
> James stood over at the desk opposite with a huge grin on his face. Steve smiled back, but he knew it looked more like he ate something bad and that he was trying to hide his disgust rather than the small smile he was going for. James stifled a laugh, taking a seat across from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess, but i wanna get this outta the way. thank kiera for her skilled editing

 

Steve rushed through the lobby of the _Penguin’s_ , muttering apologies as he shoulder bumped the people he tried to squeeze past. The floor he was working on wasn’t too far from the lobby, so he gathered he could slip pass his boss and pretend he was getting his desk setup.

Nervously tapping his fingers on his thigh, Steve stood in the corner of a crowded elevator, staring at the buttons light up the higher they got up the building. He observed that a lot of the people in the elevator looked just as young as he did; maybe they were interns too. _At least I’m not the only one late,_ he thought.

Steve began to fidget with the sleeves of the shirt James gave him, tightening them so that they would stop sliding down his arms. It helped calm his nerves and took his mind off it being his first day. The closer the elevator got to his floor, the more terrified he felt. His stomach kept doing flips and his fingers kept shaking. Steve stared at them intently as if to tell them to quit it. He looked around him discreetly to see if anyone looked as nervous as he felt. 

None of them did.

_Maybe these aren’t interns then._     

The elevator made a _DING_ and the automated robotic voice clearly stated that they have reached the “Fifth Floor.”

Taking a deep breath, Steve and a few others walked out of the elevator and mindlessly followed each other towards the front of the room. Steve felt a hand on his shoulder, causing him to stop in place.

A man with dark brown skin and a black pencil moustache stood before him. He was a little bit shorter than Steve and he noticeably looked older than him. Maybe one or two years at most. He gave Steve a small smile, his hands reaching for his collar. Steve tensed up and balled his fist, ready to knock the guy in the mouth if he had to. The guy began adjusting his shirt and tucking what seemed to be his shirt tag back inside the collar. Steve blushed.

“Sorry for the abrupt approach, man. You wanna be looking sharp on your first day.”

“How did you know—“ 

“You look like you’re about to throw up.” The man laughed before holding out his hand. “I’m Sam. Sam Wilson.” 

Steve took his hand with a smile, giving it a brief shake. “Steve Rogers.”

The two fell into step with another as they chose which desks to sit at. Most of the desks were set up into threes, much like elementary school. Steve and Sam sat so that there was an empty desk set in front of Steve, vertical left to Sam. Steve started unpacking his backpack and organizing his desk. He and Sam chatted as they each set up their workspaces, filling each other in on the usual information one does when they first meet someone; school, hometown, what they studied, small interests they have, et cetera.  

After emptying his messenger bag, Sam plopped it on the empty desk opposite to Steve. Steve furrowed his eyebrows. 

“My friend is running later than we did. Told him I’d save him a spot if I got here before him.”

Steve nodded with pursed lips before setting his bag underneath his desk. He flattened his shirt, sitting up straight and placing his hands over his desk. He constantly switched between clasping his fingers together and laying them flatly on his desktop. Sam chuckled, pulling out his phone. Steve stopped fidgeting with his hands. 

“Sorry.” He said. He tapped his foot instead. 

Sam waved it off. “Don’t worry about it, man. I man not seem like it, as I’m skilled in the art of being calm, cool and collected,” Steve laughed. “But I’m just as, if not more nervous than you are. I’ve just had practice.”

“You’ve had a job like this before?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, looking around the office like he was trying to find someone. “I would work on the breaks between summer and the new school year.”

_That was smart. I should’ve done that._

Silence fell between the two boys, the ticking clock behind thumbing heard clear as day. Steve’s eyes fell around the office, observing the people around him. A lot of them looked his age, a few looking older and a few looking younger. He recognized some of them from school, not remembering names but more their faces. That was common in university. _Maybe I should say hi later. Make some friends._

“Hey, sorry I’m late, man. I got caught up in the subways. You’ll never guess who I saw— Oh. Hey, handsome.”

Steve’s shoulders tensed. 

James stood over at the desk opposite with a huge grin on his face. Steve smiled back, but he knew it looked more like he ate something bad and that he was trying to hide his disgust rather than the small smile he was going for. James stifled a laugh, taking a seat across from him.

“Who’d you see?” Sam asked, straightening out his pencil sharpener.

James waved him off. “I’ll tell you later,” he turned to Steve. “You didn’t tell me you worked here.”

“I didn’t tell you anything about me other than my name.” 

“Touché. I see you and Sam got acquainted pretty well.”

“Oh no, we just met—“ “Yeah, he’s a pretty cool dude—“

 Steve’s face flamed, avoiding eye contact with Sam. Sam just smiled, flattening his tie. “No worries, man. Mom says I rush into friendships too quickly. Comes with me welcoming charm. 

Just as James looked like he was about to speak, a tall woman in a pair of black straight edge pants and a white blouse entered the room. Her black, kinked hair was pulled back into a tight bun. The room fell silent and all eyes fell onto her. The woman smiled.

“Good morning, interns.” A chorus of “good mornings” rang throughout the room. James shot Sam and Steve a goofy grin. Steve struggled not to smile at it. “Today is your first day at _Penguin’s_ Publishing Inc. Welcome! For the next eight months you will be working closely with skilled editors and practice the art of literature. You’ll need to have a sharp eye for spelling errors, grammatical technicalities and have a knack for creativity. You will be helping writers improve their work and provide assistance in making sure their work is to the utmost craft. Any questions?”

The room stayed silent. The woman smiled. _Did she ever say her name?_ The woman smiled, nodding at Steve. He immediately looked away.

“Oh, and by the way. I’m Regina Hoffman. Call me Regina, Miss Hoffman, Reggie Whatever you like. Okay, well. Maybe not Reggie.” A soft chorus of laughter filled the room before she left to allow everyone to finish organizing their desks. Steve just awkwardly tapped his fingers against his desk as James and Sam engaged into deep conversation that clearly didn’t include him.

His fell around the office again, seeing everyone making friends or chatting away with people they obviously knew before. Steve felt like he was in high school again, sitting in the middle of class, or at lunch with no one to talk to without Peggy around to give him company. He suddenly felt a twist in his stomach as he thought about her. He folded his arms over his desk and placed his head on them.

_I can’t believe I miss her annoying accent already._

“Miss who?” Steve’s eyes’ glanced up to James. 

“Huh?” 

“You said you couldn’t believe you miss someone. Who?” 

Sam nudged Steve. “You also said ‘they’ were a ‘she’. Who is she, and is she pretty?”

Steve forced out a laugh, rubbing his eyes. “No it’s-it’s no one.” James and Sam just kept staring at him. “It’s just my friend, Peggy. I’m just not used to seeing her all the time. That’s all. Seriously, she’s just a friend. Practically a sister.”

James nodded with a smile, leaning back in his chair. “Say, wanna get lunch with us, Stevie? Since we’re sitting together, might as well get to know each other, right?”

Something about the way he called him “Stevie” sent a chill down the blonde’s spin. Maybe it was how it sounded coming out of his mouth, or that no one has called him Stevie in years. Not since Bucky. And the last thing Steve wanted to think about was Bucky. 

He gave James a small nod, muttering a sure before laying his head back down on his desk. The sudden remembrance of the Boy Who He Must Not Be Named put a damper on his mood. Steve just wanted this day to be over already.

— 

Steve sort of wished he just brought money like everyone else seemed to have done. He looked dumb holding his lunchbox in his hands, while James and Sam were holding _Subway_ bags. _Note to self: Bring lunch money just in case._

James and Sam seemed nice from what Steve had gathered. He could tell from the way they spoke to each other that they were really good friends. Which Steve hated. Becoming friends with two people that are already good friends starts off with just constant third wheeling. And Steve could feel himself third wheeling big time.

He tried keeping up with conversations and making jokes, but they either fell flat or he would just think it in his head and not aloud. As he kept getting lost in what was being said, he couldn’t help but find himself staring at James for longer than he should have. Something about him made Steve’s skin itch of familiarity that he couldn’t help but fight down.

Whenever James looked in his direction Steve always made sure to dart his eyes to something else and focus on it extremely hard. In the moment he thought it looked casual, but he knew with how much he pushed his eyebrows together, Steve was pulling off a look of both anger and constipation instead.

“Hey man, you gonna eat that?”

“Hm?”

Sam pointed to the pudding cup in Steve’s lunch pail. Steve shook his head, passing it to him. Steve hadn’t realized that twenty minutes passed since he last took a bite of his sandwich. He took another one for good measure, slouching his shoulders as Sam and James kept talking.

“So, Stevie,” The nickname made Steve tense. “What university did you go to?”

“NYU for Literature and Cultural Studies. You?”

“UCLA for Lit and Journalism. That’s where I met Sammy over here.”

“You guys were roommates?” James shook his head.

“Nah, Sam’s a year older than us. We played on the soccer team together. Do you play sports? Or are you a “reading is a sport” kinda guy?” 

Steve shrugged. “Both, I guess?” James and Sam stared at him, silently telling him to elaborate. “I played Freshman and Sophomore year — soccer I mean — same thing for high school. But, I dunno. Reading just suits me better.”

Sam grinned. “So, what you’re telling us is that you were shit.” 

Steve laughed, closing his sandwich container. “I was not shit. I have great defence. I just found myself choosing between doing school work, or practicing for a game. With reading, I don’t need to do that. As an English major I didn’t need to anyway.” 

James nodded in understanding, popping the last bit of his meatball sub into his mouth. Steve looked at James tentatively. So much about James felt familiar, too familiar. The way he moved his hands, how he ate his food, his laugh. It both sent Steve to the edge, but filled his stomach with an odd sense of comfort. _Comfort you only ever felt around Bucky._

Steve internally rolled his eyes and swallowed that feeling down with another bite of his sandwich.

Ignorant to the conversation happening in front of him, Steve folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on his hands. He kept his discreet glance on James. The blonde’s eyes flickered between James’ mouth as he spoke and another random part of his face. _He does have a nice face,_ Steve thought. Just as Steve was about to focus his attention onto something else, James’ head fell back into laughter at something Sam said, exposing part of his collarbone.

Steve paled. 

“How did you get that?”

Whatever conversation was going on between Sam and James stopped and both men to turned to Steve. The blonde was now sitting up straight, staring directly at James’ now covered collarbone. He was waiting for it to show itself again.

James furrowed his eyebrows, looking between Steve and Sam. “Sorry?”

“That-That scar on your neck. How’d you get it?” 

The brunette felt around his neck with a confused look on his before rubbing his collarbone. Steve nodded, squinting when James lowered his shirt. A curved scar that went from the top of James’ collarbone to the right side of his chest. It was about 1.5 cm long and looked like it had been fading for years. 

Steve’s eyes switched between focusing on the scar and the owner’s very confused expression. Sam awkwardly cleared his throat.

“Uh, I got it when I was like 16? Someone threw a frisbee while I was practicing for a soccer game and it whacked me in the neck. It’s actually a really funny sto—“

“Where was it you said you went to high school?” 

“I don’t think I did—“

 “Because you went to school in California, right.” _Please say yes. God please say yes._  

“No, I’m originally from New York. Brooklyn to be specific.”

Steve clenched his fists, nails digging into his skin. _It’s just a coincidence. It’s not who you refuse to think it is._ “You-You alright, Stevie? You look really pale.” His jaw clenched at nickname.

The blonde ignored the question, staring directly at James. His blue eyes lingered with worry, a look Steve was all too familiar with and only got from one person. HIs mouth opened, brain not working as fast when he asked: 

“Do we know each other? You look strangely familiar but I can’t put my finger on it.” _You know him, you idiot. You just don’t want to admit it._ “Maybe we went to high school together. Or-Or something.”

“Mm, I don’t think so. I would’ve definitely remembered going to school with you, Rogers.” 

“I never told you my last name.”

James froze mid bite. Steve was now practically glaring at him, anger bubbling inside his chest. _It’s not Bucky. It’s not Bucky. It’s not Bucky._ But with the rapid beating of his heart, he knew in his gut that he was wrong. Sam opened his mouth to speak, but Steve beat him to it by quickly packing up his stuff away. He turned to leave before looking back at James with narrow eyes.  

“I told you to stay the fuck away from me.” 

“Steve—“ 

“No!” People in the cafeteria turned to look at the commotion. James got up, reaching for Steve. The blonde backed away. “Come near me again, and I’ll actually break your jaw this time.”

Ignoring Sam’s wide eye expression, James’ hurt one and the surprised ones of his peers, Steve rushed out of the cafeteria and building. He knew he still had a whole day left of work but he didn’t care. He needed to get as far as way from James as possible.

_I’ll just say I felt sick and that I needed to go home._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mindlessly flipping through more photos, Steve felt his chest tighten as he landed on one with him in it.
> 
> “Oh, my god.”
> 
> Steve and Bucky were laying in the grass, — probably in the park a block from their houses. Bucky looked to be in his soccer uniform, Steve in a black hoodie. Bucky was crossing his eyes and a playful frown. Steve had his eye closed and his lips were puckered. His face was flushed with a bit of red, probably from something Bucky has said. They both had dirty on them, probably from rough housing after practicing. Their hair was a mess They didn’t look older than 16 years old. The photo was captioned “infinity is a piece of mind, but our good looks aren’t” .
> 
> They both looked really happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// mention of blood in this chapter

 

Steve’s fingers hovered over his laptop’s mouse pad as he stared nervously at the screen. He was looking through his blocked list on Facebook. He hesitated on a specific name, nibbling down on his bottom lip before he clicking it. The page refreshed and as he suspected, he couldn’t see anything other than the date of birth and a profile picture. 

Puffing his cheeks, Steve clicked the settings icon and scrolled down until he saw the “Unblock” option. His cursor hovered on top of the option before his fingers pressed down on his trackpad. The page refreshed and now he was able to see everything on the man’s page. 

James Barnes.   

Steve hasn’t seen, or care to see anything from this page in almost five years. Looking through his old best friend’s Facebook made his mouth taste like a roll of quarters were sitting on his tongue. He felt like he was 16 again. 

He clicked on on James’ profile picture, looking through the ones he’s posted in past years. There weren’t very many. Bucky was never a big guy on posting photos of himself.

Steve internally winced at the thought of Bucky. It confused him, referring to the same person by two aliases but it’s how he coped. Some small part of himself hoped and prayed that this James wasn’t his James. Not that James was ever his to begin with. 

“This isn’t him, Steve,” he assured himself aloud. His voice tremble didn’t sound very convincing. 

Steve closed his eyes. “This is a different, James. Who has the exact same scar as Bucky, in the exact same place, gotten in the exact same way. All of that is the same. Except the person it happened to.”

He sat in silence for a bit longer. When he opened his eyes again his vision was met with a photo of a teenage James, probably 16 or 17, looking like he was screaming mid picture. I took this picture of him. When he was sleeping over.

Steve suddenly slammed his laptop shut and pushed it away from him. “No. No. They’re not the same James. You just threatened to break the jaw of a complete stranger. Yes. That’s what happened. You haven’t seen him in years.”

“You haven’t seen who in years?” 

Peggy was standing in the doorway of Steve’s bedroom opening, grey sweatpants and a black crew neck sweater on. She was tying her hair up into a ponytail. Steve gave her a small smile, shaking his head. “Nothing. I was just practicing something for work.”

Peggy pursed her lips, inviting herself into the room. She took a seat on Steve’s bed, sitting next to him cross legged. She rested her head on his shoulder. “You’re a weird one, Rogers. A very weird one indeed.” 

He rolled his eyes playfully. Then he placed his head on top of hers. “How was your interview?”

The brunette shrugged. “It went alright. They offered me a job on the spot. I obviously took it.”

“Peggy, that’s amazing!”

“Yeah, I guess. I dunno.” Steve lifted his head to look at her. She shrugged again, looking back. “I’m the only girl in the department so far.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows as if to say ‘And?’. Now it was Peggy’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Being the only girl in a room full of scientists is like being the only person in school without any clothes on. People notice, and they stare and they treat me differently. It’s just. I dunno. If there was another girl, yeah I’d still be treated the same. But at least I’m not the only one, ya know?” 

Steve nodded sympathetically, pulling her into a side hug. “I get it. It’s not the same thing, but it was like me and theatre. Not too many guys in that club for my liking.”

Peggy laughed and wrapped her arms around his middle. She rested her head back on his shoulder. She asked him how his first day was.

“Oh. It was alright.” Steve hoped Peggy couldn’t here the wariness in his voice. Peggy shifted her head on his shoulder.

“Did you make any friends?” Steve nodded, avoiding her burning eyes. “That’s good. I’m happy for you.” 

“Thanks.”

There was a silence between the two for a moment. Steve appreciated it. Too much was running through his mind to keep up a conversation and pretend as though he wasn’t internally freaking out.

Even though Steve was aware he was freaking out for no real or logical reason, he still felt an odd weight on his shoulders and had the taste of coins in his mouth. He lifted his head off of Peggy’s. She smiled at him.

“Are you hungry? I was gonna make some soup.”

Steve shook his head, giving her a kind smile as she got up to walk out. He asked her to shut his door, opening his laptop the moment she left the room. The screen lit up with James’ profile. Steve’s fingers floated over the trackpad once more. If you’re so sure it’s not him, just look through the account. 

So that’s what Steve did.

He spent the better part of half an hour scrolling through James’ account. He had yet to see anything about his current job, but that was more because Steve avoided looking through the “About Me” section of his profile. A pit dropped in his stomach every time his eyes laid on the icon. He just continued to look through more pictures instead.

A lot of pictures that this James had on his account were photos he was tagged in rather than one’s he’s posted. He felt himself smile, only for a split, at Bucky’s reasoning being that he just had “too many good photos to post” of himself. It was a stupid reason, and made no sense. But it was just Bucky, so Steve never questioned it.    

Mindlessly flipping through more photos, Steve felt his chest tighten as he landed on one with _him_ in it.

“Oh, my god.”

Steve and Bucky were laying in the grass, — probably in the park a block from their houses. Bucky looked to be in his soccer uniform, Steve in a black hoodie. Bucky was crossing his eyes and a playful frown. Steve had his eye closed and his lips were puckered. His face was flushed with a bit of red, probably from something Bucky has said. They both had dirty on them, probably from rough housing after practicing. Their hair was a mess They didn’t look older than 16 years old. The photo was captioned _“infinity is a piece of mind, but our good looks aren’t”_.

They both looked really happy.

Steve felt his throat feel tight and his eyes sting. He was happy in that picture. Whenever he was with Bucky in school, he was happy. Whenever he was with Bucky in general he was happy. Not to say that he isn’t happy now, it’s just different.

The blond hadn’t noticed his eyes well up with tears until he felt them hit his hand. Quickly wiping his eyes, Steve slammed his laptop shut and dug his palms into his eyes. His breathing became shallow, and now matter how deep he pressed them the tears wouldn’t stop.

He heard the faint sound of feet shuffling down the hallway, and quickly rubbed his face into the inside of his shirt. A soft knock came from the outside of the room before the doorknob began to turn. Steve instantly dropped down on his bed and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

“Steve?” He heard Peggy whisper. His back was turned to her so he couldn’t see what she was doing. He something placed on his desk, — probably his laptop — and he felt a soft fabric placed over his body. Footsteps ascended from his room and his bedroom door was shut.

Steve opened his eyes but didn’t move from his spot. He blankly stared at his alarm clock, trying to numb his mind. The clock read 8:37 PM. It wasn’t late, but Steve suddenly felt tired. He gripped the blanket over him, closing his eyes once again. He wanted sleep to just consume him already.

After an hour and a half of tossing and turning it finally did.

_——_

_Steve slightly hunched over, putting his hands on his knees. He squinted his eyes to block the sun from piercing his vision and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Wearing a black hoodie in the middle of a heat wave was probably not the greatest idea._

_“You gonna kick the ball, or not?” He called out to his friend across the field. The blond laughed when he was flipped off. “I don’t have all day, Barnes. Kick the damn ball alr––“_  

_A checkered ball came flying towards his head. Steve threw his arms into an X formation, groaning when the ball slammed into his wrist and bounced off onto the ground. A burning feeling rushed through his arm which soon flushed bright red. Steve rubbed his right arm with his left hand, strutting down the field with an annoyed expression. His friend just grinned._  

_“What the fuck was that for?”_

_Bucky laughed, innocently shrugging his shoulders. “You asked me to kick the ball. So I kicked the ball.”_

_“Yeah, I said kick the ball. Not boot it down the field at my face._  

_“Quit overreacting Stevie, It barely hit you.” Steve pushed out his bottom lip, rubbing his arm. Bucky puckered his lips. “Aww, want me to kiss it better?”_

_“N-No. Just warn a guy next time.”_

_Bucky ignored what Steve had said, reaching for his arm to try and kiss the wound. Steve tensed his arm, trying to pull out of Bucky’s grasp. This soon turned into a wrestling match between the two boys that lead to them both falling to the ground. Steve placed his foot on Bucky’s thigh and tried shoving him off without actually hurting him. Bucky grabbed Steve’s other arm, and step his other foot on the leg Steve was using to shove him off. He then straddled the boy’s stomach, pinning his wrists into the ground._  

_Steve tried reaching for Bucky’s wrist to pinch them, but his fingers weren’t long enough. The blond soon gave up, glaring at his friend. Bucky just smiled, letting go of Steve’s wrists and pushing his hair out of his face. Steve groaned, pushing at his friend’s stomach to relieve the pressure of his weight directly on his kidneys._  

_“You weigh a ton. What have you been eating?”_

_“You.”_

_“In your dreams, Barnes.”_

_“That’s actually where you taste the best.”_  

_A blush erupted across Steve’s cheeks and neck. He punched Bucky’s chest. “Shut up! God I hate you.”_

_The brunet placed a sloppy kiss on his friend’s flaming cheek before placing himself on his beck next to him. “No you don’t.”_

_“I do. You’re the worst person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting.”_

_“I love you too, Stevie.”_

_“Jerk.”_

_“Punk.”_

_A comfortable silence fell between the two. Bucky was typing away at his phone, Steve was pulling at a piece of grass. Bucky glanced over at his friend, staring intently. Whenever Steve got quiet, he’d focus on something completely random and focus on it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. His eyebrows made a crease in his forehead and he slowly moved his mouth as though he was muttering something. This usually happened when he was deep in thought._

_Bucky slightly turned his head and just stared at Steve think. It was one of his favourite things to do. It always embarrassed Steve whenever people saw him thinking to himself. He thought he looked crazy, muttering to himself. But Bucky could watch him do it all day._

_Bucky thought he looked beautiful._

_The brunet tried to snap a picture of Steve without him knowing, but the sound on his phone wasn’t off. The blonde looked up at his friend with a confused expression. Bucky just gave him a goofy smile. “Just sending a snap. Don’t worry.”_

_Steve shrugged, going back to to picking at the grass. Bucky looked back up at the sky, taking a deep breathe. The two boys say there for a little longer, not saying anything. Bucky felt something tug at his jersey and when he looked over Steve was staring at him._

_“Do you ever think about how there’s no way to measure infinity?”_

_“Wow there, Aristotle. Where’s this coming from?”_

_The blond shrugged, nibbling on his bottom lip. “I just. I think it’s interesting. Like, we have this term that explains how we large something is. How It’s never ending, right? But, to my knowledge anyway, we can’t actually measure it. Like it’s not a tangible thing. It’s not a currency, it’s not a weight, it’s not a distance. But it’s still used to describe a quantity. Think about how meta that is, Buck.”_

_“Are you high?” A shove was brought to Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m kidding. Tell me more, Stevie.”_

_Steve went on for about three minutes explaining why he thinks infinite is both real and fictional at the same time. Bucky sighed and “mhm”’d so Steve knew he was listening. He propped his elbow up and rested his head in his hand, watching as his friend’s eyes lit with fascination and his hands waved with enthusiasm. It made a small smile form across his lips._

_“—and it’s just so weird, you know? And—are you listening to me?”_  

_“Hm? Yes, of course. Infinity, very descriptive but not exactly quantitative. Both explanatory and contradictory. It’s all very interesting, Stevie.”_

_Steve’s lips formed into a pout and he shoved Bucky’s shoulder again. “If you thought my meta geek out was boring, you could’ve said so. I would’ve shut up five minutes ago.”_

_“I like watching you talk about things that interest you.”_

_“But if they bore you, why listen? I sound like an idiot.”_

_“It’s because it’s coming from you. I could listen to you talk about the abundances of time and the depths of the universe for hours. Honest.”_

_Nothing Bucky said really meant anything, but nonetheless Steve felt a blush spread across his face again._

_“You’re-You’re so stupid.”_

_Bucky rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone again. The clock on his screen read 5:34. He laid back down, twiddling with his phone in his hand. He then opened his camera app and fixed his hair. He then scooted closer to his friend and tilted his head. Steve scooted away._

_“C’mon Steve, we’re taking a picture.” Steve continued to protest, covering his face when Bucky put the camera in front of him. This made the older boy laugh._

_“I look bad, and I have dirt all over me. Bucky, no, quit it!”_

_Bucky pushed his bottom lip out and gave Steve puppy dog eyes. “Please, Stevie? For me? You look really good right now, so might as well capture the moment while we can.”_  

_Steve glanced over at his friend. He struggled to look him directly in the eye without reaching over and placing his lips over the brunet. Bucky always got like this every once in a while. Overly affectionate, emotional, and really really kind. But the second he does it, he either goes back on his word or pretends he’s kidding. It confuses Steve and his feelings._

_It’s not that Bucky was mean to him or anything. Because he wasn’t. He was Steve’s favourite person. To be fair, Steve didn’t have many favourite people. Or rather, he didn’t have many people to choose from to be his favourite._  

_The blond realized he was taking to long to answer his friend’s question. He focused himself back onto Bucky who gave him a small smile. Steve returned it, going back to look up. He scooted closer to Bucky, puckering his lips. Bucky laughed._

_“What?” Steve asked, suddenly feeling foolish._

_Bucky shook his head, giving Steve another goofy smile. “Nothing, nothing. You’re just…” He trailed his sentence off._  

_“I’m just what?” Steve furrowed his eyebrows._  

_Bucky shifted closer to Steve, tilting his head so their hair was touching. “You’re so cute.”_

_Steve felt himself blush for the third time that day, rolling his eyes and tapping his shoe against his friend’s. “You’re an idiot.”_  

_Bucky tapped his foot back, a smile etched on his face. The brunet held out his phone, assuring Steve that the face he made was perfectly fine. After fixing his hair, Steve went back to puckering his lips and squeezing his eyes shut as he heard the clicking sound of Bucky’s phone camera. The boys switched up the facial expressions, laughing at what the other person did._  

_Steve and Bucky looked through the photos in silence. It was amazing how comfort the boys get with each other without actually having to say anything to one another. Steve sat up, stretching his arms out. Bucky poked his side where he knew Steve was ticklish. Steve let out a breathy laugh._

_“Don’t post those anywhere.”_

_Bucky furrowed his eyebrows. “Why not? I told you, you look good today.”_

_“You want to post them?” Bucky nodded. “Oh. I just thought. Because of your teammates.”_

_The brunet frowned, fiddling with his phone. “Right. But why would they care? They know we’re friends, Stevie.”_  

_“I know, I know it’s just—Never mind.” Bucky gave him a “just say it” look. “You don’t think they’ll make some stupid comment about how our pictures look gay?”_

_“You are gay, Steve.”_

_Steve punched his arm. “Louder, why don’t you? I don’t think they heard you in fucking Canada.”_

_“Geographically speaking, we aren’t that far from Canada, Stevie. Palestine or Kenya would’ve been a better choice.”_

_“Bucky. You’re so—God! You know what I mean. And I’m,” Steve dropped his voice. “I’m bi. Not gay.”_

_“Sorry, Stevie.”_

_Steve chewed on his bottom lip. “They’re different, ya know. I can send you some videos about the community. Or I could read you some books.”_

_Bucky gave Steve a small smile and a nod. “Whatever you want.”_

_The two boys started walking across the soccer field together, discussing which movie they were gonna watch that night. Bucky tossed the soccer ball in one hand, his other brushing against Steve’s as they walked. Steve had to use everything in him not to interlock their hands._

_“We could watch a comedy?” Steve offered, nibbling on his bottom lip. Bucky scrunched his nose. “Okay. Um, how about fantasy? I know how much you loves those.”_

_“Can we watch Narnia? I haven’t seen that for a while.”_

_Steve nodded with a big smile. “Ooo yes! Ugh, I love those stories. Edwin is so cute.”_

_Bucky laughed, “You’re such a teenage girl when it comes to this stuff.”_

_The blond felt himself frown and his excitement deflate a little. “Meaning?”_

_Bucky looked up at his friend and stopped walking when he saw his hurt expression. “N—C’mon, Steve, now you know that’s not what I meant.”_

_“Then explain to me what you meant,” Steve crossed his arms. “Because it sounded like you were I’m less manly because I’m excited to watch a movie.”_

_“No, it’s not that. Ugh, can we just drop it? I swear, you get so hysterical over noth—”_  

_“Or, are you saying that I’m less manly because I called a boy cute?” Bucky not saying anything gave Steve his answer. “You’re such a fucking asshole sometimes.”_

_Bucky sighed, putting his hands on Steve’s shoulders to stop him. “God, Steve. I didn’t fucking say that. I just. I dunno, I’m not used to-to—“_

_“To me liking boys?” Steve searched his friend’s face, but he couldn’t read his expression. It made Steve anger. “For fuck sake’s, James. Do you hear yourself? There’s nothing to get used to. I’m still me, and nothing has changed. You never acted like this whenever I’d call girls hot or pretty. So what’s the difference?”_  

_“No it’s not that. Look, I’m sorry okay? Can we just forget—“_

_“No! You always do this. You always fucking do this .” Steve’s voice was beginning to raise itself and people were watching them as they walked by. “You’re so confusing. You literally called me cute less than an hour ago! What? It’s fine calling boys cute as long as you don’t wanna suck their dicks after? As long as you can’t fall in love with them?”_

_“For god’s sake, Steve, I was just being stupid! I’m sorry, okay? I’m fucking sorry.” Bucky’s eyes were dark with anger and his hands were shaking. “It’s got nothing to do with that okay? I just said a stupid fucking thing. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings and said like a homophobic dick, alright? I’m sorry.”_

_Steve’s eyes flickered between Bucky’s hands and his eyes. The boy’s chest was heaving which made Steve’s chest slightly twinge with guilt. He reached for his friend’s hand, but Bucky pulled his hand back. Steve’s eyes matched Bucky’s darkness and his fists clenched._  

_“Fuck you.”_  

_“Wait fuck, Steve. Where-Where are you going?!”_

_Steve turned around, glaring at the brunet. “As far away from you as possible. Call me when you get your stupid masculinity complex in check.”_

_Steve could hear Bucky walking after him and as much as he wanted to turn around, he didn’t. Bucky kept calling for his name and jogged after him, which made Steve just picked up his pace. The more he walked, the more his anger subsided. But he was too stubborn to stop walking and tell Bucky._

_“Steve, fucking slow down—!”_

_“Hey, kid! Heads up!”_

_Steve assumed the voice yelling was talking to him involuntarily flinching. The blond froze when he heard his friend call out in pain. He turned to see Bucky laying on the ground, holding his neck that was bleeding through his hand. Steve rushed over, dropping down on his knees next to Bucky._

_“Fucking hell,” Bucky said through gritted teeth. Steve’s eyes fell on the red and silver discus laying by Bucky’s thigh and then looked up to see two older teens rushing over._

_“Shit, okay, uh, Buck? I need you to remove your hand.”_

_Bucky aggressively shook his head, groaning at the pain throbbing in his collarbone. “I know it hurts, but I need to see how deep the cut is.”_

_“Fuck, man. Is he okay?” The taller of the two strangers shoved his friend. “I told you not to throw it until they got off the field!”_

_His friend shoved back. “You’re blaming me? How the hell was I supposed to know it was gonna hit them?”_

_“Shut up!” Steve shouted at them. He turned back to Bucky. “Please, move your hand so I can see.”_

_Bucky looked Steve in the eyes, feeling his expression soften when he noticed the mix of terror, worry and anxiety in the blond’s blue eyes. Slow shifting his head on to one of Steve’s legs, he removed his hand that pressed into his collarbone, hissing at the feeling of cold air on his open wound._

_Steve’s eyes quickly shut at the gash he saw that went from his friend’s neck, passed his collarbone and down to the top midsection of his chest. The cut didn’t look that long, or that deep, but Bucky still bled excessively. Steve hated blood._  

_With a shaky breath, the blond said. “O-Okay. Um. Do either of you have a towel? And some water? And some hand sanitizer?”_

_The ginger of the two older boys rushed to his backpack, rushing back and handing his water bottle, small hand sanitizer and hand towel to Steve. Steve empty the water bottle onto his towel and then rub hand sanitizer into his palms. He wrung the towel out, and then pressed it into Bucky’s wound._

_Bucky groaned the pressure. “Ease up, Rogers.”_

_“Shut up, I’m still mad at you.”_

_“Really? I could die, ya know. And that’s the last thing you’re gonna say to me?”_

_Despite the pain, Bucky shot him a goofy smile. Steve rolled his eyes. He turned to the two boys. “Can either of you pass me my phone. It’s over there by my soccer ball.” The ginger boy handed Steve his phone, giving him a nervous smile. Steve unlocked his phone, dialling his mom’s number._

_After telling her where they were and what happened, Steve hung up, and looked over at his friend. Bucky was still giving him a goofy smile. Steve furrowed his eyebrows._

_“What?”_

_“Nothing it’s just,” Bucky shut his eyes and got himself comfortable on his in Steve’s lap. “You’re just a good nurse.”_

_Steve fought back a smile, sighing as he shut his eyes. “Shut up, Bucky.”_  

_“I love you too, Stevie.”_

_—_

When Steve awoke the following day, he felt the bright rays of the sun burn directly into his eyes. He groaned, rubbing his face and plopping his head back down onto his pillow. His alarm clock read 5:36 AM and his body felt like it was hit by a ton of bricks. Steve was definitely not a morning person. 

The blond lied in bed, excessively blinking to help keep himself awake. It only took a moment for the dream he had to settle in. The memory of his childhood best friend, although a happy one, only caused Steve to frown and feeling a pang of sadness in his chest. This sadness was different then the usual one he felt. It was more longing, like he yearned for something, but also had a sense of hopefulness.

After ten minutes of laying in bed and staring at his ceiling, Steve sat up and reached for his laptop set at the foot of his bed. He mindlessly entered his password and up came the browser he opened the night before. Bucky’s facebook profile picture was still set on the photo of Steve and Bucky when they were kids and without thinking Steve smiled at it.

He may have no good feelings towards Bucky, but he can’t deny he has good memories with him.

Steve continued to blankly search through Bucky’s photos, eyes scanning the page. When his browser froze, Steve refreshed the page and notice how Bucky’s post notifications changed from 0 to 1. The blond ran his tongue over his parched lips and clicked the main area of his page. His heart sank when he saw his most recent post.

_James Barnes started working at Penguins’ Publishing Office NYC._

A many of emotions ran through Steve’s mind. He stared blank at his computer screen, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. _Oh god, it’s him. It’s fucking him._ His breath began to hitch in his throat and he found his hard to breathe. He tugged at the ends of his hair and tried to settle his breathing, but the more he tried, the tighter his lungs got.

_Get your puffer, you idiot,_ he thought, reaching over to his bedside table and prying opening his inhaler. Taking a deep breath, Steve took two puffs, relaxing his shoulders when his lungs began to open. Once his body stopped shaking and the shakiness in his breath became nonexistence, Steve looked over at his computer again, eyes scanning over the screen.

_James Barnes._  

_Penguins’ Publishing office NYC._

The blonde stuffed his pillow into his face and screamed as loud as he could manage without waking up half of New York


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James grinned. “Aww, you still do that thing with your nose when you’re mad.”
> 
> Steve instantly relaxed his nostrils and uncrossed his arms. “God, what do you want?”
> 
> “I wanna talk to you.”
> 
> There was a hesitation. Steve shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, then. Speak.”
> 
> “C’mon, Stevie. No need to be so hostile. This is like a mini reunion—”
> 
> “ James .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mostly dialogue and i hate it so blease be honest and leave me some delicious criticism. comments about my writing, the plot dynamic or just any general questions make my day no matter what it's suggesting!! thank you for reading!!
> 
> i'm also trying to figure out how to upload photos since someone asked if i could show you which photos inspired this story so when i can figure that out i'll do it asap! enjoy!!
> 
> also thank you to my bby kiera for always editing my shit and for hyping up my defeatist attitude. i appreciate you my lady

“Okay, interns, today you will be critiquing a mock proposal for a new YA novel as well as editing the draft of the author’s first ten chapters. They should already be placed on your desks. You may decide to either work in groups or independently. Finishing this task earns you your lunch hour. Once you’ve gotten your well deserved break, I’ll give you the next ten chapters of the story to edit for the rest of the day. Have fun!”

Regina walked off into her office and suddenly the room filled with muttered chatter between all the interns. Steve awkwardly fiddled with the pages in front of him. He avoided Sam’s eyes, focusing closely on his pencil holder. It was uncomfortable considering the last thing Sam heard Steve say was that he was going to break James’ jaw. Not the best way to impose a first impression.

Steve picked up his black pen, clicking it open and closed at a steadied rhythm as he read over the proposal. The author was trying to a pitch a story about two teenagers that get locked in a classroom and grow a connection throughout the course of a day. Steve smiled softly at the idea, thinking how much he’d love a story like this in his teen years.

As he highlighted errors and notated suggestions for the story, he glanced at the empty desk across him.  It was a half hour into the day and James still hadn’t shown up. Steve tapped his pen on the table, looking around the office, thinking he had just missed him and James was just sat in a different place.

He wasn’t.

“Uh, hey,” the blond started, glancing at Sam. Sam looked up at him, not saying anything. “Where’s Buc—James? He’s, um, not here yet. But you probably already noticed that.”

Sam gave out a forced laugh, closing his highlighter. “Probably hiding to avoid that jaw breaking you ever so graciously promised to give him if he ever came near you. 

Steve felt his throat close and he gave Sam a sharp nod, putting his pen down. For a bit, he didn’t say anything and just let Sam go back to his work. Then the blond turned to the man to his left, mustering up the courage to say;

“Look, I know that probably made me sound like some violent jerk, but there’s just, there’s stuff that you don’t know about. It was more a misunderstanding than anything. I’m-I’m not usually like that. I swear.”

Sam pursed his lips, scratching the back of his neck. Steve fiddled with the bottom of his tie. “I, um, I actually enjoyed talking to you yesterday. You seemed to like talking to me too. And I-I hope my altercation with James doesn’t-doesn’t affect that. Us being friends, I mean. But if it does, I get it.”

“You’re really bad at making friends, huh?” Sam gave Steve a smile, waving his hand. “Look, man. James is like my brother from another mother. So I admit I get a little protective of him. But, if you want me to forget about yesterday, I can.”

“So, we’re cool?”

“Yeah, man. We’re cool.”

Steve let out a sigh of relief, smiling along with Sam. The two began to work on editing the draft together. Steve started feeling a little less at ease, watching what he said so he didn’t sound like a doofus to Sam. He had meant what he said about taking a liking to Sam and he didn’t wanna screw it up a second time. Just as Sam and Steve finished editing the first chapter, a loud thud took their attention away from the story in their hands.

James had stood in front of the two men, dripping wet and panting. His hair was soaked from the rain pouring outside, his jacket wetter than any other part of his body. The brunet peeled his coat off his body, careful placing on his chair so it could dry. He sat in his seat, placing his head into his hands.

“A little under the weather, are we?” Sam joked, throwing his head back in laughter when James gave him the middle finger. “How did wake up this morning and not see the rain pouring outside?" 

James rubbed at his ear to rid of the water stuck in it. “I was preoccupied." 

“Early morning masturbation is no excuse to ignore the weather forecast.” 

“Oh, you’re such an idiot.”

Sam’s size only grew wider. “At least you finally got yourself a shower. I gotta tell you, man. The grease in your hair was _not_ passing as hair gel.”

The brunet leant of Sam’s desk and shook his wet hair like a dog. Some water droplets fell onto Steve’s desk and the blonde moved his papers to avoid getting them wet. James gave him a tiny grin, holding up his hands in regret.

“Uh, sorry about that.”

Steve waved it off. “It’s um, it’s fine." 

The two boys stared at each other, an uncomfortable silence falling between them. The longer the silence lasted, the longer they kept staring at one another. To Steve’s relief, James too must’ve felt that their little staring contest lasted than need, leading him to break eye contact with Steve and turn back to Sam. 

“What’d I miss? And more importantly, did Regina notice I wasn’t here?”

“Oh she noticed,” said Regina as she walked passed their desks. “And she hopes it won’t happen again.”

James flashed her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, ma’am. Just got myself caught in the rain is all. It won’t happen again. Promise.”

Continuing to walk by and out of the office, she called, “I hope you’ll be able to keep that promise, Mr. Barnes.”

Steve’s eyes glanced up at James, face burning when he was met with icy blue eyes. He quickly looked away, biting away at the dry skin on his lips. As Sam explained to James what he needed to do in order to leave for lunch, Steve went back to editing the mock drafts. Every so often he’d discreetly glance up at the brunet sitting across him, and every time he did, James was looking right back at him.

When it had happened for a third time, James’ lips turned into a small smile. He had begun editing the proposal and caught up with Sam and Steve on the drafts rather quickly. About an hour of editing, Sam put down all his writing utensils, digging his palms into his eyes. Steve yawned, stretching back in his chair.

“I’m going to the bathroom. Don’t start chapter seven until I get back.”

The blond got up, walking out of the office and down the hall to the men’s room. After using the washroom and washing his hands, Steve straightened out his dress shirt. He took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair once to make it look less flat. His chest felt a bit tight, but he couldn’t tell from what.

“Calm down, Steve.” He told himself.

Just as the blond exited the washroom and began walking back towards his desk, he felt a hand grip his forearm and yank him into a supply closet.

“Hey!”

“Shh, someone will hear you.”

Steve’s jaw tightened at the sound of the other person’s voice. The click of a light bulb came on and Steve’s glaring look was met with James’ mischievous one. The blond’s first initial thought was to leave the room, but James was blocking the door. Steve just stood with his arms crossed over his chest and his nose wrinkled in annoyance. 

James grinned. “Aww, you still do that thing with your nose when you’re mad.”

Steve instantly relaxed his nostrils and uncrossed his arms. “God, what do you want?”

“I wanna talk to you.”

There was a hesitation. Steve shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, then. Speak.”

“C’mon, Stevie. No need to be so hostile. This is like a mini reunion—”

“ _James_.”

The brunet held up his hands in defence, a lopsided grin etched on his face. “Alright, alright.” Steve quirked an eyebrow, waiting for the man standing across him to say his peace. “So, how’ve you been?" 

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m leaving." 

“No, no, wait! I don’t-I don’t exactly know what to say.” 

“This was _your_ idea. _I_ have nothing to say to you.”

James flinched at Steve’s tone, leaning back against the door. “Okay, so, obviously I didn’t think this through. Or that I’d actually get this far.”

“I see that hasn’t changed.” Steve muttered under his breath. James just grinned. “I’m doing fine. To answer your question. Can I go now?”

“Aren’t you gonna ask me how I am?”

“No, because I don’t care.” 

James pouted, placing his heart over his hand. “Now, I don’t believe that. You seemed to really care about something yesterday during lunch when you threatened to do my head in.”

Steve clenched his fist, anger bubbling up in his chest. James jokingly held up his hands in defence. “Dude, dude! I’m kidding!”

“Oh my — ugh, god, Bucky! You’re so annoying!”

“Aha! You called me Bucky!” 

Steve’s neck felt warm. “I-I didn’t mean to. It was a slip.”

“But you still said it.”

“That’s because it’s your fucking _name_.”

James wore a goofy grin as he pointed his finger at the blonde in a mock accusatory way. “You pretended it wasn’t for, like, two whole days.”

“Because I didn’t want you to be you!”

“What?”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated sigh. He could feel a migraine throbbing in his skull. Silence fell between the two boys. Steve lent on the photocopy machine and focused his view on the doorknob. James focus his view on Steve’s scrunched nose. It made him smile softly for only a moment.

“You really didn’t recognize me in the subway car?”

Steve looked up at James and felt his throat slightly close at the small glint of sadness in the man’s blue eyes. The blond shook his head. _He doesn’t get to be hurt._  

“I did. Recognize you, I think. Not-Not at first, but definitely before my outburst yesterday. Sorry about that, by the way." 

“No worries.”

Steve gave him a sharp nod, scratching the back of his neck. “I think it was-it’s just. Part of me, didn’t want it to be you. That I was going crazy or, I dunno. That it was your doppelgänger or something.”

“My what?”

“Your doppelgänger. You know, someone that looks exactly like you, but you have no gentic relation to. Geneticists say that there are approximately 7 people in the world that look like you. So, to me hoping you are not who you are, the guy who spilt coffee on me could’ve just been someone who looks exactly like you. Don’t laugh at me, it was stupid, I know.”

James instantly flattened his mouth and tensed his neck to stop himself from laughing. “I’m not laughing, Stevie.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Would you rather I call you, honey?”

Steve rolled his eyes. His mind was running through so many different things he wanted to say. The blond never thought he would ever have to be in this position again where he and Bucky were in the same room again, let alone them hashing out their bad blood. He left like he was sixteen years old again. 

The silence that settled in the room left an uncomfortable itch on Steve’s neck. He knew if they stayed in the closet any longer, Regina was bound to notice they were missing and they’d get in trouble. Same with Sam. And Steve knew if he struggled long enough he could get himself out of closet and go back to ignoring James. But something, something small seemed to outweigh all the logical reasons he had to leave.

“You’re still mad at me,” James finally broke the silence. “And, I get that. I’ve done some-some really really messed up shit—“

“You don’t get to talk about it.” Steve snapped. “

James winced at the sound of his voice. “But for whatever reason, fate has pulled us together and we’re working in the same place for the next eight months. I just think that we should, ya know…” He trailed off.

Steve scoffed, sitting up. “What? Become friends?” James nodded slightly. “I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon, thanks.”

“Aww, c’mon, Stevie.” 

“Stop _calling_ me that.”  

“Right, right. Sorry.” James ran his hands over his face and he sighed. “I just, I dunno. You seem to like Sam and things will be awkward for the three of us if you’re hating me.”

Steve raked a hand through his hair. “Unlike you and your inability to withhold emotional control and professionalism, I can handle maintaining a friendship with Sam and be civil with you at the same time.” Steve stood up straight and nodded his head towards the door. “Now are you gonna let me leave, or will I have to force my way out?”

James frowned. “I’m trying to apologize and makes amends with you, Steve.” 

“Well you’re about six years and countless failed relationships as a result of the constant fear _you_ instilled into me late,” The blond bitterly laughed. “Oh and by the way, your apology skills are just as shit as I remember.”

“Steve—“

“No! You don’t get to do this, James. Okay? You _don’t._ ” He pushed passed the brunet and put his hand on the doorknob. “You don’t get to talk to me, or Sam, or anyone about this. Because this is not your thing. It’s your fault, but it’s not your thing. It’s mine. And I’m telling you now. We are _not_ friends. I don’t want to make amends, I don’t want your half ass apologies. I’ll play nice during work, but that’s all this is. Work. I’m not your friend, I’m not your ‘Stevie’. I’m just through some sick twisted turn of unfortunate events, your coworker. That’s all we are to each other and to the people around us. Got it?”

Steve refused to look James, because he knew the second he did, he’d feel like crying. He kept his focus on the pencil packages by the brunet’s left ear and didn’t break contact with them until he saw James nod. He pressed his lips into a tight line. 

“Great.” He opened the door, turning to leave, but not before saying with a tight voice, “And I don’t-I don’t hate you. I just,” Steve gave James a sad smile. “I don’t trust you.”

 —

Sam tiredly rubbed his eyes, placing his head on his desk. “After two hours of working through, editing and refining this story, I have to say, I never wanna read a YA novel ever again.”

Steve laughed, scratching his neck. “It was only ten chapters, Sam.” 

“Did I stutter?” The blond held up his hands in defence. Sam lazily grinned. “Hey, man, wanna go grab something to eat? I personally think we deserve to feast like kings.”

“I actually already have a lunch date with my friend, Peggy.” Steve glanced up at James, who gave him a small smile. He gave him a nod back.

“Will we be getting an introduction from this Peggy?”

James playfully shoved Sam’s shoulder. “You’ve got a girlfriend, Sammy.”

The black haired man rolled his eyes, but the smile etched on his face said he wasn’t upset. “She’s not my girlfriend. Not yet.” He grinned at Steve. “I’ve got this thing for my next door neighbour, Sara.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, stretching his arms out before standing up. He collected his two coworkers editing packages and placed them into Regina’s dropbox. He then put on his jacket and grabbed his bag. The three boys walked down the hall out of the office together making light conversation about Sam’s neighbour while waiting for the elevator.

When they reached the main floor, Steve’s face instantly lit up when he saw Peggy sitting on the benches. With a grin on his face and a wave of his hand, he called from the elevator doors, “Hey, Peggy!" 

The brunette had her hair pulled back into a sight bun and she was wearing a black dress shirt and white pencil skirt. She smiled when she saw Steve walking out of the elevator. “Aww look at you, Mr. Big Shot Editor. I am pulling you away from such an oh so important meeting?”

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious. Peggy, this is Sam. Sam, my friend Peggy. And, um,” Steve turned to James. He knew Peggy would recognize him instantly but when introducing him, he pretending not to notice her awestruck expression. “This is James.” 

James gave her a tight smile, shaking her hand. “Hiya.” 

Peggy shook his hand slowly, her eyes furiously switching between Steve and James. She nudged Steve’s shoulder and gave him a knowing look. He just pursed his lips and shrugged his shoulders. A silence soon fell amongst the four of them.

The blond clapped his hands together turning to Peggy. “Alright, um, so I only have an hour of lunch so we should probably get going. I’ll see you guys later.” He then grabbed Peggy’s arm and pulled her away from Sam and James.

When the two left the building and were out into the streets of New York, she smacked Steve’s shoulder. “What was that?”

Steve pulled out his phone, ignoring her eye contact. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

“What? Steve!” She took his phone out of his hands. “Did you just introduce me to—Was that Bucky Barnes?”

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

Peggy gripped Steve’s chin, forcing him to look at her. “ _Steve_.”

He pushed her hand off his face. “Okay, so it’s him. So what?”

“You didn’t tell me! That’s what!” Peggy began to walk towards the crosswalk. Steve’s soon fell into step with her. “Steve, how could you not-Why didn’t you tell me?”

Steve stopped at the edge of the sidewalk, feeling a cold chill rush down his spine. He stomach lurched as he remembered all the memories of him, Bucky and Peggy hanging out in high school. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it down before turning to his friend.

“I just. I didn’t wanna talk about it. Okay?”

Peggy looked as though as she was ready to say something snide, but her expression softened when she saw how down Steve instantly became in the five minutes that went by. She gave him a small smile, grabbing his hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

“Okay. I’ll drop it.”

“Thank you.”

The crosswalk light turned into the walking figure and she pulled him along with her across the street. “But we’re talking about this tonight when you get home. For now, it’s off to get some lunch. I’m starving.”

Steve’s lips etched into a small grin and he let his friend guide towards the nearest pizza parlour.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tis a filler  
> mostly external dialouge  
> steve and peggy lay on the floor  
> it gets better next chapter i swear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello.  
> i'm alive  
> i am now done school for the next two weeks so i'm gonna try to update as much as possible  
> i'm still trying to figure out how to add photos  
> thank you for the comments, i really do appreciate it kiddos  
> i hope you enjoy this filler

Steve and Peggy laid on the floor of their living room carpet, silently staring at the ceiling. Soft jazz music played from the stereo sat on the living room counter as the two friends enjoyed each other’s company. Neither of them had said anything for the better part of forty minutes. Steve turned his head to face Peggy. Peggy was already looking at him intently. The brunette opened her mouth, but Steve cut her off before she could even make a sound.

“No. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Peggy rolled her eyes, turning forwards to sit up. She took her hair out of its loose bun. “You’ve got to talk about it at some point, Steve.”

The blond sat up with her, crossing his legs. “Well, I’m not at the point yet.”

His friend placed her hands on his arm and gave him a firm squeeze. Her lips formed into a small smile and her eyes were warm with compassion. It made Steve’s chest tighten.

He forced a similar smile in return, turning his focus onto the patterns of their wool carpet. Millions of thoughts roamed through his brain as he thought of ways to break the silence that suddenly became heavy and suffocating. Steve wanted to talk about Bucky and everything he was feeling, but at the same time he want to ever utter the words “Bucky Barnes” ever again.

Peggy let out a deep sigh, massaging her scalp slowly. When she did a final finger comb of her hair, her brown waves fell gracefully around her face and onto her shoulders, framing her cheekbones and cherry red lips. Steve studied Peggy’s features in an attempt to to distract himself. 

She had a nose that was small in size and narrow in shape and deep cheekbones that presented themselves even when she had a flat face. Her eyes were a medium brown, with specks of green that made them look more hazel than anything in direct sunlight. No one could ever deny that Margaret Carter was beautiful. 

Steve must’ve been staring at her face for longer than he thought because Peggy suddenly puckered her lips and crossed her eyes. This made the blond’s lips break out into a genuine smile and a light laugh pass through. She smiled back, gently shoving his shoulder. 

“You know I’m always here for you, right?” 

Steve nodded. 

“And that you can tell me anything, even if you think it’s stupid or ridiculous.”

“Yes, Peggy. “ Steve stretched out his arms and got up off the floor. He helped Peggy up and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his middle and gave him a tight squeeze. “I love you, Pegs.”

The blond could feel her smile on his chest. “I love you too, Rogers.” 

The brunette unraveled herself from her friend’s arms and shuffled over to the kitchen. She called out that she was gonna start making some dinner. Steve walked down the hall to his room. He grabbed the sweatshirt from the hooks on his door, making his way back up the hallway and towards his apartment door. 

He slipped on his running shoes and walked into the kitchen, giving Peggy a soft kiss on her temple before lopping his index and middle finger into the chain of his house keys. 

“I’ll back by the time dinner’s ready.”

“Make sure to take a water bottle!” Peggy called, not looking up from the potatoes she was chopping. The brunette felt herself roll her eyes when she heard the door shut instead of a response. 

Steve plugged his earbuds into his phone, scrolling through his music. A million things were still running through his mind, and every single one cycled back to Bucky. If he thought about blankets, he was reminded of how Bucky’s voice was just as warm. If he thought about the colour brown, Bucky’s chestnut hair was in his mind. If he thought about the sea, Bucky’s deep blue eyes were brought to his attention. The uneven cracks on the wall of his apartment floor hallway matched the crinkles that formed in Bucky’s eyes when he smiled really big.

Nothing Steve could do would make James Buchanan Barnes leave his mind. 

But, maybe part of Steve didn’t mind these thoughts.      

With a shake of his head, Steve chose a song from his workout playlist and jogged down Second Avenue to clear his mind.      

\--

The interns were being given their first pitch to prepare for. They were being given real proposals that they had to edit and pitch to Regina and the rest of the board by the end of the month, which to most of the interns sounded easier said than done.

Steve, Sam and James were put into a group together and were given a story entitled Every Hour. It was a story about a teenage boy who woke up in a different simulation everyday, with a new family and identity, and was given a period of one hour to figure out what was going on and how to escape the situation. It was placed under the science fiction and teen fiction genres and was hoped to be released in the next year. 

“Man,” Sam said, sitting down after reading over their assignment. He handed it to James. “We really got a story that’s been pitched a thousand times before.”

Steve laughed lightly, “Dude, it’s not that bad. I think it’s pretty neat.”

James’ lips formed into a small smile, and when Steve’s eyes caught his the brunet mouthed ‘Neat’ with a wide grin. Steve felt himself smiling back, tapping his knuckles on the table. “Besides, the worst we could’ve gotten was a romance novel. Those usually always begin and end exactly the same.”

“I think the story is kinda cool,” James flipped through the pages, tapping his thumb on his desk. “Can you imagine waking up in a new scenario everyday and not having a damn clue what’s going on? And then being  _ punished  _ if you don’t figure it out? That’s sounds awful, but as a story, pretty interesting. What’d you think about it, Steve?”

The blond titled his head to the side and thought for a minute. He shrugged his shoulders after a short time. “It’s definitely something I would’ve read when I was 16. I guess it’s a bit cliche, but I think it could be a cool thriller if it’s written right.” Steve shrugged again, pulling out a loose thread from his shirt. “I’ve got too much to say, and I don’t wanna bore you guys.”

“Oh, I doubt you’d bore use.” James gave shot him another grin. “I could listen to you talk for hours. You’ve got a soothing voice.”

Steve felt his neck heat up at the compliment, avoiding James’ gaze and quietly thanked him. A silence fell between the three men as they went about doing their work for the day. They were getting the hang of editing and declining and accepting certain proposals. Steve enjoyed reading the authors’ pitches for their stories and couldn’t wait to be the one choosing which book would become the next  _ New York Times Best-seller _ . 

About three hours into his shift, Steve got up and went over to the counter where the coffee was. He didn’t like coffee, but needed something to waste a bit of time before Peggy came down for lunch again. The blond took sip of the office coffee, tense his jaw at the bitter taste he felt on his tongue. 

“Ugh. That’s disgusting.”

“Lower your voice, I think Sammy made that.”

The voice behind him made Steve jump and when he turned he saw James standing in front of him, drink coffee from his own travel mug. Steve ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “You need to learn not to sneak up on people.”

James shrugged, taking a sip from his mug. “You know that I have a light step in my walk. Unless, you’ve forgotten that as well, Stevie.”

“ _ James _ .”

“Sorry, sorry. Steve.” He gave Steve a slanted smile. “It’s a force of habit.”

Steve nodded, adding more sugar to his coffee. “It’s fine. Can I help you?”

James swung back and forth on his heels, sticking his hand into his pocket and pulling out his phone. He handed it to Steve. “I know you said you’re not interested in being friends, and I’m okay with that. Totally cool with it. But, I think, as coworkers and nothing more, that I should have your, um, your number.”

The blond looked between the phone in his hand and James’ lopsided grin. “Seriously?”

“It’s not abnormal for coworkers, not  _ friends _ , just coworkers, to have each other’s numbers.” Steve pursed his lips. “Hey, man. I’m trying to be civil. I promise, this isn’t some sort of scheme. Sam wants your number too.”

_ Calm down, Steve. It’s just your number.  _

Steve swiped open the phone and began to type his information into the contact app. He hand James his phone back, raising his eyebrows at him. James shook the phone in his hand, and silence once again fell between them. Steve felt too nervous to go back to his desk, but he also didn’t have anything to say to James. Nothing that would contribute to appropriate work conversation anyway. 

“So,” James started. “Just wanted to say, uh, I’m looking forward to working on the pitch with you.”

“Thanks. I’m looking forward to it too.” 

“Awesome. Well, I’m gonna go back to work. I’ll tell Sam you love the coffee.” The two men laughed. Steve lifted his mug to James, taking a small sip of his drink. James laughed a bit harder than Steve, shaking his head and going back to his desk.

Steve would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy hearing Bucky’s laugh again.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky was a man who liked a challenge. He always was. In his youth, his cocky attitude when taking on a dare or trying something he was unskilled at came off as humorous and attractive, making the person he was trying to impress swoon over him in seconds.
> 
> But Steve Rogers was different. 
> 
> He was difficult, and stubborn and headstrong. And Bucky loved it all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays kiddos!
> 
> i hope you guys liked this chapter and enjoyed getting bucky's perspective! 
> 
> if this isn't edited blease don't hate me, it's 12 AM and i'm about to start a quick pre-war stucky christmas au for my twitter pals. if you wanna read that it'll be on my page tomorrow!! 
> 
> thanks for le support and hits, i really appreciate it my dudes :D

_“No, no, babe, I gotta go. Nothing, I’m with Steve. We’re working on our history presentation. Yes, of course I’ll call you when we’re done. Alright, love you. Bye.”_

_Steve fiddled with his pencil, pretending to focus on the words in his notebook and not on the conversation Bucky was having with his girlfriend, Natasha. The two boys were sitting on his loft bed, Steve sitting with his back against the wall and Bucky laying down flat on his back with his hair brushing against Steve’s thigh. He resisted the urge to reach down and twirl the wave locks in between his fingers._

_So far Bucky had been talking to Natasha for the past forty minutes, contributing little to nothing towards their assignment. Steve had been researching about The Canadian Pacific Railways and did his best to drown out their nauseating lover talk. He hadn’t decided yet if he hated their relationship because it was annoying or because he was jealous._

_For now, he’s going with annoying._

_The brunet glanced up at Steve, tapping his chest with his phone. “How’s the project going?”_

_“You’d know if you did any work.”_

_“Ouch, Stevie. Just punch me in the face why don’t you.”_

_“I’ve tried. You duck every time.”_

_Bucky laughed, sitting up from his spot and scooting up next to Steve. Steve could feel the weight of Bucky’s shoulder pressing against his and his hot breath on his neck. He pulled his hands up and moved himself back to give him and Bucky some space. He furrowed his eyebrows at Bucky._

_“Personal space, please.” He stated harsher than he intended. “I don’t need to feel your breath on my neck. Move back a bit.”_

_“You and I both know that it may not be something you need, but something you want,” Bucky gave him a mocking grin. “Besides, I’m tryna read what you wrote.”_

_Steve shifted himself away from his friend, leaving a gap between them. “Well, you can read what I wrote sitting right there.”_

_“I can’t see, I don’t have my glasses on.”_

_“Then go get them.”_

_Bucky sat up straighter, pinching his eyebrows together at Steve’s standoffish attitude. The two boys sat in silence. The sound of Steve’s pencil scratching against the paper of his notebook was as loud as a gunshot._

_Bucky slowly slide off Steve’s bed, searching his bag for his glasses case. Once he put the rectangular spectacles on, he sat back next to Steve, only for the blonde to scoot over again. Every time Bucky scooted closer to Steve, Steve moved away. The two kept this up until Steve almost fell off the edge of his bed, gripping Bucky’s shoulder to steady himself. Bucky’s hand grabbed Steve’s wrist and pulled him off of the edge and safely back on the bed._

_Bucky smiled at Steve, “Don’t know you’ve got this huge loft bed, Stevie. You’re gonna fall off and hurt yourself real bad someday.”_

_The brunet’s hand was still wrapped around Steve’s thin wrist. Heat rose up in the blond’s neck and his stomach churned with butterflies._ He’s been holding my arm for too long. _The two stared at each other for a moment before the shorter of the two shoved Bucky back and jumped off his bed._

_“Hey!” Bucky yelled, jumping off after him. “What’s your problem, man? Does my breath smell or something?”_

_Steve didn’t respond to him, sitting at his desk and opening his textbook. He kept his back to Bucky, trying to hide the embarrassing burn in his cheeks. Bucky slammed his hand over the text Steve was reading, waving his other hand in front of his friend’s face. Steve smacked his hand away._

_“Are you done acting like an asshole? Or are you gonna continue to throw your temper tantrum?”_

_“Why don’t you just go home and call_ Natasha _,” Steve snapped, glaring past Bucky’s face and at the action figure on his bedpost. “You seem to be preoccupied with her at the moment anyway. I’ll do the assignment myself. Like I always do.”_

_Bucky’s lips tensed into a flat line, running his fingers through his hair and tugging at the ends. He plopped down on Steve’s bean bag chair, resting his elbows on his knees. He gave Steve a small frown._

_“That’s what this is about? Me and Nat?” Steve didn’t say anything. “Oh, come on, Rogers. Don’t tell me your jealous. We haven’t even been together that long.”_

_Steve clenched his jaw and rolled his eyes. “I’m_ not _jealous. There’s nothing to be jealous of.”_

_The lie made his mouth feel dry._ I’m so jealous it hurts.

_Bucky raised his eyebrows at Steve, making the blond groan. “Get over yourself, James. I am not jealous of you and your stupid girlfriend. I’m not jealous of anything. I’m-I’m just annoyed because we’ve been working on this assignment for over an hour and you haven’t done anything.”_

_“Sounds to me like you’re a tad bit jealous. C’mere.” The brunet got up from his spot, pulling Steve into a side hug._

_The blonde squirmed for a moment, but Bucky’s grip was too tight and he soon gave up, lazily wrapping his arms around Bucky’s middle. When the two pulled away, Bucky gave Steve a warm smile, making the blond blush for some reason. He returned a smile back and prayed his face wasn’t anymore red than it was before._

_Pulling out his laptop from his bag, Bucky sat back down on the bean bag chair, glancing up at Steve. “There’s no need to be jealous, Stevie. My main man. My number one.”_

_“Number one?”_

_“I’m tryna say no one’s more important to me than you are. You’ve got nothing to worry about with me and Nat. No one’s replacing you.”_

_Steve bit his bottom lip to hold back his smile, turning back to notebook to take more notes. Every once in a while, he’d glance over at Bucky, a wide grin etched._

_He definitely wasn’t jealous. Not at all._

 

––

 

The thought of Steve Rogers’ crooked, embarrassed smile hadn’t left Bucky Barnes’ thoughts for days. The moment he recognized the blond on the subway cart, memories being to flood through his mind like an open faucet. His eyes, his laugh, his likes and dislikes, everything about Steve and Bucky popped fresh in his head and the brunet had yet to forget a single thing from their time together as kids.

When he spoke with Steve in the supply closet, he had to admit that he wasn’t expecting Steve to turn down his invitation of them rekindling their friendship as quickly as he did. He obviously wasn’t expecting an immediate yes, or even an “I just need time”. Bucky was just hoping that Steve would somewhat be on the same level as him.

He knew that it would take Steve some time to get used to being close with Bucky again, especially after the way they left their friendship. However, he’d be lying if he said he thought it would be this difficult and that Steve having no interest in talking to him didn’t come as a shock. Because it most definitely was a shock and it most definitely stung. Though, Steve making their relationship move much slower than Bucky intended actually made Bucky even more eager to be around him.  

Bucky was a man who liked a challenge. He always was. In his youth, his cocky attitude when taking on a dare or trying something he was unskilled at came off as humorous and attractive, making the person he was trying to impress swoon over him in seconds.

But Steve Rogers was different.  

He was difficult, and stubborn and headstrong. And Bucky loved it all the same.

Seeing Steve again, after almost six years of not speaking to him was like a breath of fresh air. Bucky felt both happy and sad, but more than anything he felt nervous. He tried his best to seem calm and collected around Steve, and for the most part it worked, but he didn’t know how much longer he could keep his cool guy persona going.

And that’s why he called Steve on Saturday afternoon with no real plan other than saying hello.

The brunet was pacing back and forth in his kitchen, reciting his “hellos” before he dialed Steve’s number. The brunet nibbled on his bottom lip, taking a deep breath. “Hello. _Hello._ Hiya, Stevie. No no, he doesn’t want you calling him that yet. Um. Hey there, buddy. Hi. Hi! Oh god no that’s way too much. Get it together, Barnes. It’s not like you haven’t called him a million times before–”

“Hello?” The blond greeted, with a hint of caution in his voice. Bucky froze in place, praying Steve hadn’t heard the conversation he just had with himself. 

“Hey!” Bucky said a bit too enthusiastically. “I mean, um. _Hey._ H-How’s it going.”

There was a hesitation in his voice. “I’m-I’m sorry, but, who is this?”

Bucky smiled at his politeness. No matter watch situation he was in, Steve always spoke with a pose that gushes respect and courtesy. “Aww, c’mon, Stevie. It’s only been a day since work and you’ve already forgotten what I sound.”

“Oh. James.” A deep sigh followed. “Can I help you?”

Bucky heard his name faintly spoken in the background, and silence following for a moment more. He assumed that Steve was with Peggy. A sad smile fell on his lips as he thought about how much he missed her as well.

Leaning against his kitchen counter, Bucky ran his hands through his hair and replied, “I don’t need help with anything, sir. Just called to say hi.”

“Okay?” The hesitation in Steve’s voice returned. “Um, hi?”

“Hi.”

“You said that already.”

Bucky’s nervousness began to eat away at him, and he felt his neck begin to burn. “Oh, right. Um. How’re you?”

He heard another sigh. “You already said that as well.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t answer. So, I ask again. How’re you?”

“I’m fine.” There was a silence. “Um, how are you?”

The brunet smiled, sitting himself up on the counter and picking some grapes from his fruit bowl. “I’m great, Stevie– Steve! I-I meant ‘Steve’. No , Stevie’s here. None at all.”

Bucky heard Steve let out a laugh that made his heart pound in his ears and the hairs stand up on his arms. Hearing his laugh was something Bucky missed more than he thought he did. Steve’s laugh was warm. Warm like the first day of summer. Bucky could picture the crinkles that formed around his blue eyes and the way Steve’s nose was probably scrunching up.

It made Bucky’s stomach twist with butterflies.

Once Steve’s laugh died down, a silence that was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable settle between the two. Too many memories were flowing through Bucky’s mind that he hadn’t even registered the words forming on his tongue when he asked:

“Hey, do you wanna go on a walk with me? Like old times?”

Steve’s breath hitched in his throat, which he failed to cover up as a cough. It made Bucky smile. However, it didn’t last very long. “I, um. I–James, I thought you understood what I said at work the other day?”

“No, no. Of course.” He cursed himself silently for jumping the gun, hopping off the kitchen counter. “I just–we used to and I just. Jesus, sorry. It was just force of habit. Sorry, Stevie– _fuck_ – _Steve._ I meant, _Steve_. Sorry, I’m not very good at this, as you can tell.”

“It’s okay. There are worse things you could’ve called me, Buck.”

“You. You just called me ‘Buck’.”

“Yeah, I know.” His voice hinted that he wa smiling. A faint voice in the background called his name. “Um, I gotta go. But, I’ll see you on Monday?”

The brunet’s lips stretched into a slanted grin, and he nodded his head despite Steve not being able to see him. “Yeah, yeah. Uh, this was nice though.”

“I guess it was, yeah.”

“See you on Monday, Steve.”

“See ya, James.”

Bucky smiled down at his phone, hopping off his counter and spinning around. Even though Steve turned down his offer to see each other, Bucky still considered this call a success. And the sound of Steve calling him Buck wouldn’t stop ringing in his ears.

 

   


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We have an air mattress. You’ll ruin our couch if you sleep on it.”
> 
> “Are you calling me fat?”
> 
> “I’m saying you move too much in your sleep and that you drool. A lot.” 
> 
> James grinned lazily. “You remembered.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO. I AM ALIVE. AND I AM SORRY ABOUT NOT UPLOADING. I HAVE BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND REALLY STRESSED AND JUST IN A FUNK BUT NOW IM OUT OF IT HOPEFULLY!!!! 
> 
> I should have another chapter up by sunday!! please enjoy this very short filler!
> 
> also it's 3 AM please ignore any errors!! PLEASE ignore them!!

(7) In Between The Lines

Sam struggled to keep his eyes open while reading the over the edits Steve made on their proposal. The three men were all crammed in Steve’s apartment living room, Steve on the floor typing away at his laptop, James laying down on the couch with pages from the morning over his face and Sam slouched away in love seat. It was well past midnight, Steve insisted no one goes home until they had the first part of their proposal finalized.

He tried to discreetly doze off for a few minutes by rubbing his eyes slowly. This did not work, because it was only a moments later that Sam felt an empty coca cola can bounce off his head.

“Ow. What the hell?”

Steve was glaring at Sam from his spot on the floor, pointing his finger like a disappointed parent. “We agreed on no sleeping! Not until half of this is done. Now read so we can be finished with this. Hey! James! Wake up!”

James twitched in his spot, pushing the pages off his face and blinking rapidly. “Present!” He looked around the room with scrunched eyebrows before sighing deeply and laying back down. “Christ, what time is it?”

“Fifteen past one.” James groaned. “You’re supposed to be reading the excerpts.”

The brunet’s voice was groggy and his face was smudged against the cushion. “Steve, this isn’t due until the end of this week. Can’t we just do this tomorrow?”

“Just read the excerpts and then we can go to sleep. You guys can even stay over.”

“I’m basically finished reading it. Just a few grammatical tweaks. Whatever’s not done now can be done during lunch tomorrow.”

“But we’re almost done. And last we already _agreed_ —“

James pinched his nose and clenched his jaw. “Yes, yes I heard, we agreed before to get half of it done. But we technically agreed to have it done yesterday. It’s not longer yesterday. Sammy’s already asleep, I’m practically there, and your leg keeps bouncing because you’re forcing yourself to stay awake. We’re. All. Tired. So please, I beg, wipe that adorably cartoon like grump look off your face, close your laptop and go to bed.”

Steve scrunched his nose before taking a quick glance at his leg and a sleeping Sam. With a deep sigh, Steve saved the work he’d just done, shut his laptop and placed it on his coffee table. James let out a breath of relief, turning over to fall asleep. The blond kicked him in the leg.

“We have an air mattress. You’ll ruin our couch if you sleep on it.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“I’m saying you move too much in your sleep and that you drool. A lot.”

James grinned lazily. “Aww, you remembered.”

Steve rubbed his eyes under his glasses, shaking Sam awake. The shorter man surged out of his chair, eyes heavy with exhaustion. Steve knew he only had one air mattress but he couldn’t bring himself to Sam travel this tired all the way by himself. He pondered for a moment, weighing in the idea that he and Bucky share the mattress since their both such close friends.

His expression must’ve read like an open book because Sam gave Steve a sleepy smile and waved his hand, “Don’t worry about it, Rogers. That girl I told you about lives around here. Said I could crash at her place if I needed to.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you getting hurt on your way there.”

Sam places his hands on Steve’s shoulder and gives them a tight squeeze. “Man, stop stressing. I’ll be fine. It’s _him_ you’ve got to worry about _._ He’s a nightmare.”

Steve has to refrain from saying _trust me, I know_ , and instead gave Sam a nod, turning to clean up the mess of food and used napkins. While he cleaned he made Sam call his — well Steve wasn’t sure what she was to him exactly, — and drink some water to keep him refreshed. He shoved Bucky into the hallway and ordered him to wash his face and brush his teeth while the blonde cleaned up the apartment and got Sam home safe.

He waved goodbye to Sam once his ride had arrived, locking the door and shutting off the kitchen lights. He went into the hallway closet and got out the air mattress to set up for James. When Steve got to his room he was met with James awkwardly stood in the middle, hands held in front of him like a child.

He gave Steve a wide eyed look, pursing his lips. “I don’t — I don’t know where the bathroom is. And I think looking through people’s house isn’t very polite.”

Steve gave him a small smile, pointing to his right. “First door on the right. There are extra toothbrushes in the cabinet and I can lend you some pyjamas.”

James gave him a small nod and shuffled passed him. Steve sat on his bed as the air mattress inflated. He stared at the ceiling, trying his best to calm the pit that endlessly dropped in his stomach.

He hadn’t had James sleep in house since he was 17. That was almost 6 years ago. It didn’t feel real, but it also didn’t feel wrong either. In fact, the thought of James sleeping over made him feel excited. He wasn’t sure if the excited feeling was nervousness or just general anxiety over Bucky being a sort of his life again. 

A loud beep alerted Steve that the mattress was at the right level of inflation. The blond got up, turning the pump off and sealing the mattress shut. He pressed down on it to make sure it wouldn’t deflate from pressure and wrapped the pump up to put away. Steve went into his drawer and pulled out a loose black t-shirt and basketball shorts. He tries his best to not to think about the last time he let James borrow his clothes and awkwardly sat on the bed until the brunet returned.

James walked back into the room with his shirt unbuttoned and his belt unbuckled. His hair was damp and disheveled and his eyelids were heavy. Steve held out the clothes in his hands. “These are for you.”

“Thanks, Stevie.”

Steve didn’t have enough energy in him to correct him. Rubbing his eye lazily, Steve walked to the bathroom, calling out that he was going to brush his teeth and grab James a quilt and pillow. James began to discarded his clothes, focusing his eyes on the patterning of Steve’s comforter to avoid snooping around his bedroom.  

Six years. James hadn’t gotten to look at the patterning of Steve’s comforter in six years, let alone stood in his room. He folded his clothes and placed them neatly on Steve’s desk. James’ eyes glanced over the blond’s desk. A small smile etched over his face as he saw the small knick knacks and doodles that decorated it. His eyes wandered around the room and as he looked at the design of everything, a familiar swell of fondness filled his stomach.

Steve hadn’t changed in the years. Not even a little.

The brunet slowly walked around. He stopped at the bookshelf, looking at the collection Steve had. Most of his stories were either New Adult or books James remembered being Steve’s favourite. His eyes stopped on a threaded bracelet that rested on top of a stack of books. James’ heart skipped a beat when it was in his gaze and his fingers grazed the fabric.

A whole different emotion filled James’ body as he twirled the bracelet in his hand. Just above a whisper he said to himself, “I can’t believe he kept this.”

“Oh.” The brunet looked up to see Steve standing at the doorway holding a blanket and pillow against his stomach. “I-um. What-What’re you doing?”

“I’m sorry.” James put down the bracelet. “I’m sorry. I just–I was curious and I looked around and I’m sorry.”

There was a silence between the two men as they stared at each other. Steve felt his face burn with embarrassment and he wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow him whole. James felt the hairs on his neck stand up and he wanted nothing more than to ask Steve a million of questions.

Steve opened his mouth but nothing came out. He pulled at his thumbs for a moment. Before he could say anything, James cut him off. “You really kept this? Even after I–”

“Don’t make it about that, please.” The blond walked into the room and dropped everything onto the air mattress. “I just. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” He walked forward toward the bed. “What does that mean?”

“Oh, Buck–I mean Bucky. Ugh, god, _James_! I mean James!” The brunet tried his best to suppress his smile. “Look, it doesn’t mean what you think it means it just.”

Steve shut his eyes and rubbed his face. He felt like he was 16 again, standing in his room arguing with Bucky over something stupid, like what to watch or where to eat. It made him feel vulnerable, but the familiarity was comforting in ways he couldn’t make sense to himself.

“It was important to me, okay.” He waited a moment. “At one point, so were you and when you gave it to me, it–it was a really nice thing and despite how angry I’ve been at you, that stupid little bracelet was a nice thing that I wanted to remember. Okay? Is that answer satisfying enough for you? Or are you going to question me more?”

James pursed his lips for a minute before they formed into a sympathetic smile. His eyes were yearning for something Steve couldn’t quite catch, but it made his skin tingle. He gave Steve a nod. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

The brunet fixed his blanket and pillow and climbed on top of the air mattress. He stared up at Steve fondly before placing his head down on the pillow and sighing deeply. “Mmm. Goodnight, Stevie.”

Steve stood in his spot for a moment, unsure of the conversation that just occurred. He shut off his room light, and shuffled for a bit until he was as comfortable as he could be. He lied in bed for what felt like hours, gripping the back of his pillow like his life depended on it. A small pinch twisted as his stomach and if his memory served him right, the pinch was butterflies.

He carefully listened for heavy breathing. When he heard the soft snores coming from below his bed, Steve squeezed his eyes shut and said as softly as he possibly dared: “Goodnight, Bucky.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh again i'm sorry this was short and boring, but!! next few chapters are gonna be much better, much longer and filled with a lot more angst!! and also THANK YOU SM to those who leave comments of what you think. it makes my day reading that people actually enjoy my writing. i promise that even if i don't always reply i am always reading them and it makes me feel so great!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His apology was accepted with a smile. There are those lines. “No worries. You always did observe things around you.”
> 
> “You remember a lot about me, huh?” Steve meant it mostly as a joke, but a hint of his tone held some truth. It took Steve a lot to remember small things about James, but remembering Steve seemed effortless to latter.
> 
> “Hard to remember things you haven’t forgotten, Stevie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. i lied. i never finished this chapter in time but it's done now!!! this was originally gonna have a flashback but i felt like it would've just come out of nowhere so it'll be an entire chapter!! i'll try to get it up by next week. 
> 
> tw// mild violence and homophobia [steve gets called a fairy] and sexual harassment so please read at your own risk!! when you see ** that's when it starts and ** is when it stops!!! 
> 
> thanks for being patient kiddos and i Promise the story will pick up soon. chapter 10 is gonna be neat. i am also sorry of this is super dry, i absolutely have Hated the last few chapters because i just wanna get to chapter 10 already. that's when stuff Happens!!!
> 
> also please ignore my grammatical errors it's 1 AM and im stressed about captain marvel but i will edit this whole story soon i know it's barely coherent.
> 
> now onward with the gay!!

Peggy, James and Steve all awkwardly sat in the apartment small kitchen, silently eating their breakfast. Peggy’s eyes kept switching between looking at Steve and looking at James, The only sound in the room were utensils connecting with plates and coffee being sipped.

The tension could be cut with a butterknife.

Steve’s skin felt like it was on fire, sitting next to his old best friend and his current best friend. Peggy and Steve still haven’t really talked about how he felt about James being back in his life or whether or not he was gonna do anything about the situation. When the two locked eyes, she subtly nudged her head towards him as if it say Steve should start a conversation. The blond furrowed his eyebrows telling her to leave it alone. She relaxed her face.

“So,” Peggy said, placing her coffee mug on the table. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “James, is it?”

The brunet looked up from cereal bowl, spoon frozen mid bite. Peggy gave him a warm smile. “Um, yeah. It is.”

She nodded, fixing her cardigan and leaning forward. “How’s it working at the office? This one doesn’t tell me anything about his day.”

“Oh, uh, well. It’s alright. You know how Steve is very focused. Stubborn about his work, but—“

“Oh believe I know. It’s like working with a child, right?”

“ _Peggy_.”

She held up her hand but didn’t turn to look at Steve’s barrow expression. “Hush now, Steven, the adults are talking.” She gave James another smile, “Please, continue.”

James looked between Steve and Peggy with furrowed eyebrows. Steve had his hands over his eyes. “Well, I was just gonna say besides all that he’s great to work with. Yes, he sometimes really wind up, but besides all that it’s,” His eyes met Steve’s for a brief moment before he gave him a slanted smile. “It’s really nice.”

A pit dropped in Steve’s stomach and he returned the smile, pulling at his earlobe. Peggy looked between the two men again, taking another sip of her coffee to hide her smile. Another silence fell among the three and they finished their breakfast that way. James was the first to finish his meal, excusing himself from the table to go get changed for work.

Steve courtly nodded at him, narrowing his eyes at Peggy the moment the bathroom door closed. “What are you doing?”

Peggy gathered her dishes and walked past him into the kitchen, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh please,” the blond followed after her. “Why are you pretending you don’t know who he is? What are you getting at?”

“I’m just playing his game. If he doesn’t wanna know admit he knows who I am, why should I have to do the same?”

Steve rolled his eyes and put his dishes in the sink. He felt Peggy’s eyes on him but he chose to ignore the burning question he knew she was about to ask. He heard her sigh and shuffle towards him. “Are you ever gonna, I dunno, talk to him?”

“I do talk to him.”

“Steve, you know what I mean.” The blond looked down at her and saw her eyes were soft with compassion and pity. He didn’t like how any of it made him feel. “I know you guys have a… _complicated_ past, but—“

Steve slammed the sink handle down. It made Peggy jump and that caused his chest to swell with guilt. He rubbed his eyes and dug his palms into them to stop himself from crying. He hated this feeling of always feeling guilty for how others make him feel. But he still felt it all the same.

“I’m so—listen. I don’t know what I want from him, okay?” His expression softened and Peggy could see the lump in his throat form. She frowned at him. “I know you’re just trying to help but I don’t think I’m ready for-for anything with him. I go for the better part of six years not speaking to him and trying to find other people that are better than him and then all of a sudden I see him everyday at work and he’s sleeping at my house. It feels like I’m getting kicked in the stomach by my worst fears. And we haven’t properly talked about anything that’s happened. It’s just—“

“It’s weird.” He nodded at her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

The blond face her. His face was somber and the smile he gave her was pained. “I didn’t know I could feel this way again.”

Peggy wrapped her arms around Steve’s neck and pulled him down into a tight embrace. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her easter and the two stood in their hug for a moment. Peggy brushes her lips against Steve’s neck in a comforting gesture, giving him one last squeeze before pulling away. She rubbed his arms, her mouth formed into an apologetic smile. It helped Steve’s chest loosen.

“I’ll stop asking about him so much. I won’t completely ignore he exists but from now on, no more prying. If that’ll help you through all of this, I mean.”

“Thank you, Pegs.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I really appreciate it.”

She placed her hand on his chin and nodded at him. “Whatever you need, Steve. We’ll talk about it all when you’re ready.”

The two friends smiled at one another but were soon interrupted by an awkward cough. James was standing in the kitchen door wear, dressed in the clothes he wore from the night before and holding his messenger bag close to his chest. He resembled a child unsure of where to go on his first day of school. The brunet pointed at the door with an expression Steve couldn’t quite read. “Um, I think the subway is gonna be here, uh, soon. Unless you wanna get the-the later one.”

“I don’t think we’ll make the one you’re talking about.” Steve titled his head to the side. “Do you wanna borrow a shirt? I think I still have the one you gave me on our first day.”

James nodded and followed the blond down the hall and back into his room. He stripped off the shirt he came in from the night before and put on the shirt he had given Steve the day they started working at the office. Despite the obvious wash, James couldn’t help but notice that Steve’s cologne clutched to the fabric and the scenes mixed with his detergent was one that washed comfort and familiarity all over him.

And he absolutely loved it.

Steve was standing with his back to James, a hand over his eyes to provide the brunet with as much privacy as possible. When James has changed completely he let out a breath of a laugh. Steve turned to him with furrowed eyebrows as if to ask him what was so funny.

“You really haven’t changed much, have you, Steve?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” He pushed passed James, slipping on his shoes and making sure everything in his bag was settled in.

“When we were kids, you would always turn around and cover your eyes. Despite having seen me shirtless about a million times.”

Steve rolled his eyes and slipped on his shoes. “It’s called being respectful, James.”

“I’d call it adorable, but same thing.”

The blond ignored his comments and the pinching feeling that filled his stomach, calling out a goodbye to Peggy and ushering James our of his apartment so he could lock the door. The two fell into a synched step but neither of them made conversation. James made small comments about the weather or things that caught his eyes as the approached the train station. Steve would hum in response but never gave an real contribution to the conversation.

It made James sulk the rest of the walk.

They got to the station earlier than expected and Steve hoped James would get the hint that he wasn’t in the mood to talk. He didn’t.

“So, do you wanna finish up what we haven’t gotten done for the proposal during lunch? Or maybe tonight after work. We can go to my house if you want.”

Steve nodded a yes. “Is that a yes to all three, or?”

“Oh, sorry. Uh, lunch works.” James gave him a smile turning to look at the subway times. “And I guess whatever we don’t get done, we can finish tonight.”

“Sounds like a plan, Stan.”

Another silence fell between them and the blond prayed it would stay that way. His mind was jumbled with so many thoughts that he couldn’t keep a conversation straight and he needed some quiet time. His blunt responses were making him feel like an ass for not engaging in what seemed to be just a friendly conversation but everything he told Peggy just left a bad taste in his mouth.

He glanced up at James whose eyes were focused on the schedule for the subway trains. His gaze couldn’t help but focus on the small crinkles that formed at the corners of his eyes. Steve noticed they were deeper than he last remembered. His eyes traveled down to James’ lips and he noticed that his smile and frown lines were a bit deeper as well, just visible even if his face was flat or relaxed. Memories of Steve teasing him for aging at lightning speed flooded his mind and suddenly images of James smiling, laughing and frowning over flowed.

James must’ve felt Steve’s gaze because he turned to look at him so suddenly. “Is there something on my face or something?”

“N-No.” The blond could feel his neck rise with a heat of embarrassment. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to stare.”

His apology was accepted with a smile. _There are those lines_. “No worries. You always did observe things around you.”

“You remember a lot about me, huh?” Steve meant it mostly as a joke, but a hint of his tone held some truth. It took Steve a lot to remember small things about James, but remembering Steve seemed effortless to latter.

“Hard to remember things you haven’t forgotten, Stevie.”

**

Before Steve could push further and ask what he meant by that, a woman yelling “Get off me!” was heard from across the platform. Both men looked over to see a woman with blond hair shove a man much taller than her away. He held an angered expression but put his hands up in defence. The woman pointed her finger at him and yelled something Steve couldn’t quite catch.

The man pushed her back, sneering out an, “Whatever, psycho bitch.”

Steve doesn’t remember dropping his bag, or even walking over to the two, but his consciousness returns to him when his fist connects with the man’s chin. He tumbled back which gave Steve time to turn to the woman that has just been harassed.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” She nodded at Steve, rubbing her arms. James quickly came up behind her to make sure she wouldn’t get in the way of whatever was about to happen. Steve turned to the man he just punched. “You touch or speak to _any_ woman like that ever again, I’m gonna bash your head in so hard you’re great grandchildren are gonna feel it. Got it, asshole?”

He didn’t give the man any time to answer before turning back to James and the woman who James found out was named Joy. Steve smiled at her warmly, trying his best not touch her in a way that could be perceived as threatening. James called out to the others on the platform for some water and they moved Joy away from the man that was still lying on the ground. James kept chattering on to keep her attention on anything other than what just occurred.

Joy looked over at Steve’s hand. She frowned. “Oh my god, your hand.”

He furrowed his eyebrows at her for a moment but then saw his knuckles were bleeding. “Oh, no no. It’s fine. I didn’t—I don’t even think I felt it.”

Before Joy had the chance to say anything in response Steve felt his collar being pulled on and soon he was sent flying onto the ground of the subway platform. He instantly curled up into a ball incase he was going to get kicked. A punch was thrown at his side along with a kick to his stomach that knocked the air right out of his lungs. Steve could already feel the bruises forming around his ribs.

“What happened to bashing my head in, fairy? Or was that just talk your boyfriend taught you to say?”

“Hey!” James shouted. “Pick on someone your own size, asshole.”

The man turned to look at the brunet with an amused expression. “And who would that be?”

“Me.”

James rounded his hand back before punching the man in the jaw several times. He then brought his knee up to the man’s gut before shoving him back to the ground. The man stumbled back with blood rushing from his nose. James went over to Steve and offered him a hand. He carefully placed his arms around Steve’s waist and over his shoulder.

**

A sharp pain pierced through the blond’s ribs and he had to grit his teeth to stop himself from yelling out. “Fucking hell.”

“Sorry, Stevie.” The brunet looked around for the nearest bathroom and gathered up all of their belongings while holding Steve up as best he could. The two said goodbye to Joy who was with another subway taker, calling the police to collect the man that had just assaulted both her and Steve.

James kicked open the bathroom door and placed Steve against the wall. He dropped all of their things carelessly on the ground. He pulled wet wipes out of his bag and began rubbing the blood out of his hand, ignoring Steve’s sharp hisses. Once Steve’s knuckles were clean, James threw the dirty wipes away and pointed to the blond’s shirt. “Off. Now.”

“I beg your pardon?”

The latter rolled his eyes. “I need to see if you’ve got a broken rib and if you’re bruising.”

Steve sighed in annoyance, quickly holding his stomach and squeezing his eyes shut. “Oh believe, I know it’s broken.”

“Just take the shirt off, Steve.”

He obeyed with little protest, slowly unbuttoning and peeling off his dress shirt. The brunet was on the phone with Sam explaining what had happened and why he and Steve would be late. The shorter of the two had to will himself not to cross his arms over his chest. He hadn’t been this exposed to someone in a long time and his vulnerability sky rocketed being in this position. James must’ve noticed his discomfort because he gave him a sad smile once he had finished his phone call with Sam.

“I know this is awkward but we need to know if you’ve got to go to the ER.” He gently gripped Steve’s wrists and placed them at his side before letting his fingers linger over his stomach. “Just tell me when to stop and my hands are off, yeah?”

When James’ fingers brushed against his skin, Steve felt a wave of heat that could start a fire. He bit down on his bottom lip and kept his gaze away from James in hopes to calm himself down. With each press of a finger, the tension between the two men grew. Or at least that’s how it felt to Steve. He looked down just as the brunet looked up and their eyes locked.

Just as James gave him a small grin, a sharp pain rushed through Steve’s chest and he groaned with gritted teeth. James instantly dropped his hands. “Fuck, sorry. Did that hurt?”  

“No, I just groan out in pain for the fun of it.”

The brunet narrowed his eyes. “There is no need to be snippy. It was just a question.”

“Next time don’t make it stupid.”

Suddenly James jabbed his thumb into Steve’s side. The blond yelped and shoved him back with a glare. “What the fuck was that for?”

“Next time don’t be an ass.” James stood up straighter and rubbed his hands on the back of his pants. He quirked his eyebrows up. “Well. I think it’s definitely bruised.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. I had no idea.” Steve carefully put his shirt back on. Another silence fell between the two men. James had his back turned while the blond got dressed. “Why are you turned around? You already saw me shirtless.”

“Someone told me it’s respectful to turn while someone’s changing.”

Steve could hear the smile in his voice and felt his own lips turn up in a grin. “Ha ha. What did Sam say when you called?”

“Just to get there as quickly as possible. He said he’ll let Reggie know what’s going on.”

“I don’t think our boss appreciates you calling her that behind her back.”

“I think she’d find it rather charming, actually,” He handed Steve his bag and coat. “I also think you should go to the ER. To make sure you’re not bleeding internally. That guy had at least 100 pounds on you.”

“Hey, I’m not that skinny.” The blond couldn’t bare getting his arms inside the slits of his bag and just held it with both hands. “Not as skinny as I was in high school anyway.”

“You were a fucking stick in high school, so that is really not saying much.” James held his hands up defence when Steve shoved him in annoyance. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Christ even beat up you’re still a ball of rage.”  

He held the door open for Steve and helped walk through the subway platform. James got the blond to call Sam himself to prove that James wasn’t lying as a way to hide him just being late for work. After a very brief conversation and a “Get well soon, Rogers” the two men sat next to each other on the train headed towards the emergency room. Neither of them said anything, the only sounds around them being the clanking to the cart rushing against the tracks and James softly humming some top 40’s song.

Steve tried his best to get comfortable without disturbing James or ending up leaning against him. His gaze focus on an ambiguous spot on the train cart, his mind wandering away to memories he forced himself to repress until now. The more the blond regressed his past life, the more it seemed to appear in his brain. It was an endless battle that he kept on losing.

He wondered when he was gonna give up and just let his mind win.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Bucky wondered what life would be like if Steve just knew how much he meant to him. How much he cared about him. How much his heart ached for him. How his skin yearned for even just the slightest of touches. Steve made Bucky feel whole, and important and just in general happy, and Bucky didn’t know where all these thoughts and feelings were coming from, but once they started flooding through, they wouldn’t stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo. i hope you all enjoy this one, it's angsty??? and a flashback. 
> 
> btw idk if you guys do know this, but these flashbacks, at least for the next 2-3 chapters aren't in any particular order of events. they're just little trigger moments that happen whenever something develops in steve and bucky's relationships. i don't think until stuff really starts to happen that they will be in chronological order. so in this one bucky is NOT in a relationship with natasha. so please keep that in mind. 
> 
> i also think unless it's not super long, that flashbacks will get their own chapters. i think it just fits better and makes tying it back to the present day much easier :D
> 
> i also wanted to say thank you soooo much for all the kudos and comments, they really do make my day and i do see them all, i'm just really awkward and find it hard to believe they're really being said about /my/ work so idk what to say back!! 
> 
> ALSO NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA BE SUUUUUPPPEERRR long. so i might not update for a little over a week. but i'll try my best!! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading, even these stupid little notes, and i hope you enjoy this chapter!! she made me feel a little sad writing. but anyway, on to the story!

_ Bucky shut his gym locker door, throwing his towel around his neck. He rubbed off the sweat that stuck to the back to his neck and texted his dad that he was on his way home from practice. The brunet didn’t expect an immediate response since he was probably still working. Bucky packed up his gym bag and pushed past the crowded room. _

_ He waved goodbye to some of his friends and exited down the school hall to meet up with Steve. The blond was coming over and hopefully was going to stay over. They planned on studying for their history test and Bucky hoped that they could just lay around and watch some movies after.  _

_ Bucky sent Steve both a text and a snapchat to meet him outside in the quad. As he walked down the hall, Bucky smiled and waved at people he knew or passed by. He wouldn’t call himself popular per say, although Steve loved to disagree. He was just friendly. Just as Bucky made a turn around another hall he saw one student shove another into the lockers. _

_ The student getting shoved was much shorter than the latter and it took him less than a minute to recognize that it was Steve. The blond was glaring at an older student Bucky couldn’t quite make out and without any hesitation Steve tried kneeing him in the stomach.  _

_ Obviously, he missed and the boy who had him pinned against the wall was able to dodge his leg and reel back to throw a punch. “You just don’t know when to give up, do you, Rogers?” _

_ Steve gave the boy a wicked grin before digging his elbow into his ribs and shoving the taller of the two out of his reach. “I can do this all day, you prick.” _

_ Unfortunately, Steve’s smugness didn’t last very long because before either he or Bucky knew it, the blond was being tackled to the floor and punched in the face once again. _

_ “Hey!” Bucky yelled, dropping his stuff on the ground by his feet. “Get off of him!” _

_ The older student didn’t turn his attention to him. “Aww, did you call your boyfriend over to come fight your battles for you, flamer?” _

_ Rushing over to Steve’s aid, the brunet gripped the shoulders of the nameless student and ripped him off of Steve. When the two were separated, Bucky threw his fist across the other boy’s face. The brunet gripped his collar with glare as he bit with gritted teeth, “Pick on someone your own sizes. Touch him again and you deal with me, got it?” _

_ Without waiting for a response, Bucky turned to his friend. Steve was holding his lip which was slightly split open at the corner. The brunet helped him up with an eye roll. Bucky gathered up all their stuff, giving the blond a pointed look.  _

_ Steve scrunched his nose. “What?” _

_ “Do you have some dark and twisted love for getting the crap beaten out of you?” _

_ “He was picking on a freshman. What was I supposed to do? Stand there and watch?” _

_ “No,” Bucky replied. The two boys soon go to the bike racks and began unlocking their bikes. “You go tell the teacher and let them handle it.” _

_ “Teachers do fuck all and you know it. And I had him in the ropes. You came barging in before my big strike attack.”  _

_ “Yeah, I’m sure you did, Stevie.” _

_ Steve rolled his eyes, a sharp pain shooting in his chest when when he sat on his bike. He gritted his teeth and gripped his ribcage. “Oh, Christ.” _

_ Bucky began to bike away, calling out, “You get no sympathy from me.” _

_ The two boys bike down the suburbs of New York, Bucky shouting along to the words of the music playing from his headphones. Steve trailed behind him, clenching his teeth with each pedal. His sides burned with pain and he was beginning to think starting a fight right before needing to bike home was a bad idea. He instantly relaxed his jaw when Bucky turned around to see how far Steve was from him. The blond gave his friend a forced smile. _

_ “Problem, Rogers?” Bucky asked smugly.  _

_ Steve picked up the pace in his peddling, trying his best to hide the wince in his face. “Never better, Barnes.” He replied with a strain in his voice. He soon passed Bucky, gliding down the road. Bucky soon went back to singing obnoxiously.  _

_ They soon got to Bucky’s house and Steve was more than relieved. Before he entered, he felt Bucky grip his arm. The brunet wore an apologetic look and said solemnly, “Dad’s home. And I don’t know if he’s had any so. If he blows up, sorry.” _

_ “Bucky,” Steve frowned. “We can go to my house, if you want.” _

_ Bucky waved it off, unlocking his front door. “Just thought I’d warn you is all, Stevie.” _

_ The two boys entered the house, Bucky yelling that he was home and with Steve. He grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen, motioning for the blond to follow him to his room. They passed Bucky’s younger sister, Becca, who was sitting on the floor in her room. She was making a beaded bracelet and instantly sat up when she saw her brother. But her eyes weren’t on him.  _

_ “Steve,” she grinned at him and fiddled with her hair. “I didn’t know you were coming over. And your face! It’s bleeding! Are you okay?” _

_ Before Steve could say anything, Bucky interrupted, “No, he’s not. He’s an idiot. And hello to you too, Rebecca.” _

_ Steve bumped shoulders with Bucky and gave the younger members of the Barnes family a warm smile. “I’m fine, Becca, just a mishap at school. Cool bracelet by the way.” _

_ “You can have it after if you want!” She showed him that it was almost finished. “They don’t take me too long to make. I could even teach you!”  _

_ “Sure thing, kiddo.” Steve’s wrist was then gripped and he was being pulled towards Bucky’s room. He bit back a laugh when he saw his friend’s sore expression. “You’re such a sour puss about your sister.” _

_ The brunet plopped down on his bed and pointed to his desk chair. Steve rolled it over to the edge of Bucky’s bed and sat cross legged in it. “I am not a sour puss. She’s just annoying.” _

_ “She’s sweet.” _

_ “She never shuts up about you,” Bucky opened the first aid kit and rubbed hand sanitizer into his palms, raising his voice to a high pitch. “‘Oh, Steve is so dreamy. Oh, Steve is so brave. Steve this and Steve that. Steve, Steve, Steve.’” His dropped his voice back to normal. “It drives me up the fucking wall. And you indulge her.” _

_ The blond rolled his eyes, pushing his hair off his forehead. “All I do is be nice to her. I didn’t know that was crime.” _

_ “It makes her think she has a chance with you, dumbass.” _

_ “Sounds to me like you’re just jealous that I’m nice to her and not you.” _

_ “In your dreams, Rogers. Now, shut up and let me fix your booboo.” _

_ He held Steve’s head and rubbed the cut on his lip and forehead with a disinfectant wipe. The blond winced at the stinging contact and Bucky gave him a sympathetic smile. He got rid of all the dry blood on Steve’s face and began rubbing polysporin into his cuts. The two boys sat in a comfortable silence as Bucky mended Steve’s wounds. The latter felt himself leaning into Bucky’s touch, shutting his eyes and letting his friend’s hands work along his face. _

_ He felt comfortable like this. Sitting in Bucky’s room, Bucky’s skin on his, Bucky’s attention on him. It made Steve’s chest swell with a warmness that could melt the ice caps and produce a summer for a thousand years.  _

_ When Bucky’s hands left his cheeks, Steve slowly opened his eyes and looked at Bucky through his eyelashes. The brunet gave him a slanted smile, flicking his nose. He pulled at Steve’s shirt, rummaging in the first aid kit for some arnica cream. “Take it off, please.” _

_ “Geez, take me out to dinner first.” Steve gave Bucky a teasing grin before pulling his t-shirt over his head, wincing at the sharp pinch in his ribcage. _

_ Bucky rolled his eyes, rubbing the lotion into Steve’s rib cage. The contact was cold against the blond’s skin. Bucky’s fingers gently massaged into his friend’s chest like his fingers were a brush and Steve’s skin was the canvas. Bucky kept his head ducked away from Steve’s gaze to hide his burning cheeks. This was a common feeling for him, being this close, this intimate with Steve. He knew that Steve wouldn’t trust anyone else to feel him this way. But he also knew Steve only trusted him because they were friends, and nothing more. _

_ Bucky didn’t wanna ruin that. No matter what. _

_ But he also had every urge to wrap his hands around Steve’s neck and kiss him till the sun went down. _

_ “Fuck me,” Steve winced and pushed Bucky’s off his ribs. He kept a hold on Bucky’s wrist, which Bucky couldn’t help but smile at. He looked up at Steve with gleaming eyes. _

_ “Not until you take me out to dinner, Stevie.” _

_ “Ha, ha.” Steve kept a hold of Bucky’s wrist, slightly rubbing his thumb over his veins. Once again they sat like this in a comfortable silence, lost in their own world of one another. Neither boy felt like packing up the first aid kit or even moving into a more comfortable position. They just stared at one another and Bucky felt like his heart was pounding so fast that Steve could hear it, maybe even feel it in his touch.  _

_ Sometimes Bucky wondered what life would be like if Steve just knew how much he meant to him. How much he cared about him. How much his heart ached for him. How his skin yearned for even just the slightest of touches. Steve made Bucky feel whole, and important and just in general happy, and Bucky didn’t know where all these thoughts and feelings were coming from, but once they started flooding through, they wouldn’t stop.  _

_ Steve broke the silence, softly muttering, “Why are you looking at me like that?”   _

_ Bucky’s eyes were in such an intense focus, Steve had assumed he was just deep in thought and looking straight pass him. His voice, however, seemed to pull the boy sitting across from him back to their reality and blue eyes met with blue eyes. Bucky just smiled at him.  _

_ The brunet shrugged. “No reason. You’re just,” He stopped for a moment, sliding his wrist out of Steve’s grasp and resting their fingertips over one another. “You’re just nice to look at, I guess. Calming.” _

_ “You speak like you’re stuck in a romantic comedy, you know that?” _

_ “Whatever gets my point across to you, Stevie.” _

_ ‘What point are you trying to get across, Bucky?’ _

_ But Steve’s throat closed up too tightly for him to actually ask the question. Bucky was always like this. Saying little things that floated in between the invisible barriers between ‘just friends’ and ‘something more’. And as much as Steve wanted to figure out where he stood, he wasn’t about to out his feelings first. He couldn’t lose Bucky at the expense of him potentially not feeling the same way.  _

_ He would much rather have Bucky the way they are now, than not have him at all.   _

_ Soon a sharp repetition of knocking appeared outside of Bucky’s door, instantly pulling them back to the world around them. Steve shoved his shirt back on and Bucky gathering up all the garbage in his lap. With a strained voice he called, “C-Come in!” _

_ Mr. Barnes entered the moment he heard Bucky’s voice, shifting his eyes between his son and his son’s friend. The energy in the room switched from bright to bleak in a matter of seconds. Bucky, who was staring wide eyed at his father, fiddled with the trash in his shaky hands. “Oh. Hi, dad.” _

_ “Please, don’t sound so excited.” It was hard to detect whether or not Mr. Barnes was being sarcastic. “Hello, Steve. How are you?” _

_ Steve gave Bucky’s dad a sharp nod and his parent friendly smile. “Hello, sir. I’m good. How are you?” _

_ The older man raised his hand to let Steve know he was fine. He turned back to his son. “Just wanted to remind you that the garage needs to be cleaned out this weekend. We’re painting it soon.” _

_ “But I cleaned it out last time,” Bucky’s voice was calm, yet small and it made a cold pinch creep down Steve’s spine. “It-It’s mom and Becca’s turn.” _

_ “As you can see, I didn’t ask your mother nor your sister. I asked  _ **_you_ ** _. And you best believe I won’t ask you again.” _

_ Bucky looked between Steve and his dad, sitting up from his bed. He took a deep breath. “But-But Steve and I have plans. Cleaning out the garage is gonna take hours and mom already said I could go to a party this weekend and that she’d—“ _

_ “I don’t care what your mother said.” Mr. Barnes’ tone was cold and his jaw tensed as much as his frustrations clearly grew. He held onto the doorknob to calm himself down before pursing his lips at his son. He said in a hushed, but demanding tone, “I asked you to do something, and when I ask you to do something, I expect it to be done. Without any protest. Is that clear?” _

_ “Yes, sir.” _

_ “You  _ **_will_ ** _ clean out the garage this weekend without any help from your mother or your sister. It will be done, and it will be pristine. And you drop that smug look off your face when I’m talking to you. You will show me respect, one way or another whether you like it or not. If you end up missing your party, I’m sure no one will miss you. Now is that understood?” _

_ Bucky gripped the drying disinfectant wipe in his hand, swallowing down the forming lump in his throat. He gave his father a sharp nod, and saying with a tensed voice, “Y-Yes, sir.” _

_ Mr. Barnes gave both boys another nod back, exiting Bucky’s room and shutting his door. The moment he left, Bucky dropped the wipe and sat on his bed. His gaze was still fixed on where his father just stood, completely forgetting that Steve was still in the room. _

_ The blond was still stood off to the corner, fumbling with his fingers. “Bucky?” No response. “Bucky, are you—“ _

_ “Can we,” Bucky quickly shut his eyes to stop from any tears slipping past his eyes. “Can we just lie down together? Please?” _

_ Steve nodded without hesitation, moving the first aid kit and it’s belongings off of his bed. Steve carefully lied down on his back, Bucky soon joining him. Their hands slightly brushed against one another and for a moment, neither of them moved. The blond soon heard small sniffs coming from the boy next to him, and as much as he ached to lean over and hold him tight, he knew Bucky wouldn’t want it. Not yet. _

_ So, instead, he interlocked their hands, giving Bucky tight squeezes to remind him that he was here and that he wasn’t leaving. Steve closed his eyes, nothing but the sight of Bucky’s glowing smile in his head. He softly uttered, “I’m sorry, Bucky.” _

_ Bucky gave his hand a tight squeeze that lasted longer and replied, “It’s okay.” _   
  



End file.
